I abide. Waiting for the next good day. The next right time. Waiting for the Crohn's to back off and give me some peace.
I don't think you need to have Crohn's or another chronic illness to relate to the word. I think all of us from time to time 'abide.'
We abide and wait for the next payday to fix some thing or get some thing or pay a bill. We wait for our child's emotional storm to pass or a friend or a spouse's difficult moment to ease.
The seasons and holidays flow by and we abide - knowing that it will get warmer, cooler, jollier.
Abide means something a bit different than 'wait'. It's closer to dwell, sojourn, continue. Abide bespeaks a calmness, a faith, a knowing that what we need, want, wait for will come.
When things are bad, the pain is in command and Crohn's has taken over I become frustrated, angry, annoyed and hateful. I choose to attempt to ignore my body's pleas for some rest. Instead I view this as a personal weakness and if am strong enough I can stop it. I see the latest Crohn's episode as a road block, a barrier that must be burst through, destroyed and kicked to the ground. I push and push and tell myself that if I ignore it, beat it, throttle it, it will go away. It took me a while to realize that the stress and anger was only making the situation worse. When I say 'a while?' I mean years. What can I say? I'm stubborn and slow.
One day while curled up on my bed cursing every bit of my digestive system anatomical part by anatomical part I suddenly thought 'abide.'
Softly. A whisper from my subconscious.
I breathed through the word and relaxed. I was so busy thinking about the word and all of the different meanings attributed to it over the generations that the pain took a back seat.
When things get bad I remember 'abide.' I whisper to myself. "Wait. Patience. Abide."
Today. Tomorrow. The next day, too, if need be. I will abide.