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What if....

Posted Dec 09 2009 4:06pm
The sleepover that I posted about earlier is Friday. While Riley will not be spending the night, he will be attending by himself.

Riley has never been on his own at a birthday party before. I always attend parties. This same boy had a party last year and Michael and I were the only parents who stayed. I tried to blend in, but somehow don't think anyone thought I was really a 7 year old boy.

Like a drug dealer I would pull Riley over to the side. There were a few whispers and a black bag and discussions of being high. Then, I'd deliver the drug and he'd run off to play some more.

Riley has gotten to the age that he really wants to go on his own. And, I'm OK with that. Or, at least I'm trying to convince myself that I'm OK with it.

Riley checks his own sugars and gives his own insulin every day at school. I know he knows what to do. I know he'll be OK. Plus, I've given the mom a heads up about what needs to be done. Riley is going to take a cell phone with him. He will call me at every sugar check and every time he eats. I will count carbs over the phone the best I can and pray for the best. My biggest fear is lows. I don't mind if he runs high as much as if he has lows while there.

As I write this he has fallen asleep on the couch. This after a pretty brutal low that struck with over 2 units of insulin on board. I decreased his basal and he got a snack and a juice, but it still kicked his butt. I just decreased his basal a little more. I will sit and wait for the impending high.

What if this happens at the party? I don't know. I'll deal with it the best way I know how. And, I've learned over time you just can you live your life for the what ifs.

Even though I've learned not to live according to the what ifs, they still scare the hell out of me.
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