You know that frantic, panicky feeling you get deep inside of your stomach, as though you just swallowed a cup full of worms without chewing?
For the past two weeks, my stomach has been filled with big old garden earthworms that are down there doing the macarena. And you know what, guys? Boogey-ing earthworms are not good for blood sugar levels.
Stress. Loads and loads of stress have taken residence on my shoulders. Which, in the scheme of life, is just cake. Stress happens all the time, and usually I cope with it well enough to have people remark on how calm I am under fire.
For the past week, though, my blood sugar levels have been up. I can often use my BG levels as a gauge for my own physical and mental well being; sickness, like the flu, will cause a persistent, sudden increase in BG levels. Temp basals won't touch 'em. Corrections are only a temporary solution. Extreme stress will cause those same elevated levels. My body maintains itself in the 8.0 mmol range during these times, which, for a Hyperphobic who usually sees numbers between 4.0 - 5.8 mmol, is a big red flashing sign of something being wrong. (Which is kind of nice; I can tell when I'm getting over the flu [or a cold, or whatever] when my BG's suddenly bottom out.)
The big, flashing red sign is pretty busy right now. There's the regular Christmas craziness thing (am I the only one who doesn't have the tree up yet??) which inevitably leads to overspending and coming up broke for the month of January. Cake. Not even something that would normally lead to those nasty 8.0 mmol readings on my CGMS.
These frustrating numbers are the result of my job.
We've been purchased by one of the largest companies in the industry. And nobody knows if the accounting department will have jobs a month from now. OK, so I'm expendable. For the average person this would suck, but it wouldn't suck as badly as it does for us Diabetics. Especially us pumping/CGMS-ing Diabetics. Health benefits are as important as our insulin. Yeah, I've been here before and I almost went over that edge of having to give up the pump temporarily. But I don't want to do it again. I've got the best of the best, and I like it. I deserve it. We all deserve it.
The new company has rolled out their health benefits plan to us and I'm checking into the coverage. So far I've learned that Rx meds are covered at 80% direct, compared to the 100% direct that I currently receive. The Benefits Administrator has told me that Diabetic supplies, including pump supplies, are covered at 100% reimbursable. OK, that's awesome. I have asked him to investigate the possibility of having my pharmacy collect the reimbursable monies so that I don't have to spend that money at all. So, cake.
But the sensors, when brought up, caused his eyes to glaze over in confusion (or else it was that whole I'mpretendingtolistenbutreallyI'mthinkingaboutworldpoverty thing). And he had no answer for me when I asked him if the new program would cover the cost of a new pump (yep, current one covers 100% cost of a new pump every four years).
And to top it all off, my workload - in which I already do the combined duties of four people - has increased. My salary hasn't, and it won't. I am working hours later each night and still it's just too much.
Did I forget to mention, my washing machine broke down? Not only am I a possibly unemployed future MDI'er...but I smell.
I've been trying to look at this as a good thing, but my glass is neither full nor empty right now. It just needs washing.