Hypoglycemia befriended me again today. I was in the parking lot leaving my therapist's office when I knew my bloodsugar had plummeted. If you're anything like me, emotions can wreak havoc on your bloodsugar. In my session I knew I was going low, but I didn't want to interrupt the flow to test. This was good stuff. So after my session I made my way to the vending machine to buy a soda or snack, whatever they had. But I only had a $10 bill and sixty cents in change. No can do. The cheapest thing in the machine cost seventy-five cents. I was SOL.
Having consumed all my glucose tablets over the weekend and foolishly not yet replaced them, I had no source of sugar with me or in my car. I decided not to test my bloodsugar as seeing the low number usually freaks me out even more and sucks the much needed vital energy from my system out of me. I told myself I was okay in this moment and that I would drive the four blocks to McDonalds to buy a soda. As I sat down in the driver's seat, I spied a tin of trail mix that had escaped from my purse. The holy grail! I inhaled the trail mix and don't recall tasting any of it. I decided I could drive and rush hour traffic ensued and it took a good five minutes to travel to the drive-thru only a few blocks away. I was still feeling low so I decided to order a Coke. The man on the intercom was super friendly and upbeat. I was feeling weak and tired and he was just what I needed. I remembered I had a coupon for a free southern style chicken sandwich so I ordered that as well. In my haziness, I forgot to actually give him the coupon, but he didn't charge me for it. The carbs in the trailmix started to get into my system and I started feeling a lot better.
I realized how grateful I was to the young and stocky African-American man who took my order at the drive-thru. He was chipper and funny and managed to convey such a sense of joy for his job--for the privilege of being of service to his fellow Americans that it really touched me deeply. He wasn't annoyed when it took me forever to order (low blood sugar delays cognitive functioning) and when I was rooting around the car for ten cents, he was just smiling and patient as ever, despite the growing line behind me. I told him that his kindness made my day and that I appreciated him being so joyful in his job. Even though he isn't performing brain surgery (thank goodness) or discovering the next big cure, he was fully present in the moment and joyful in what he was doing. He told me, "Well, I'm always grateful for our customers because without you, I'd be out of a job."
In that moment, something in me shifted. As some of you know, I've been looking for full-time "permanent" work for several months now. Nothing has manifested and I've been driving myself a teensy bit crazy by applying for a variety of jobs with no results. I keep telling myself that I have to have a certain kind of job and that it has to engage my passions (writing, education, helping students) and that I need to get a certain satisfaction from the job. What I failed to consider, however, is that it's not so much what I do, but who I am that really matters. Even if I end up having the job I recently applied for and really want (advisor for International Education/Study Abroad at a local university), I know that a job doesn't define me and doesn't determine my worth. A job can't give me something I don't already have within me nor can it take from me something I don't willingly give away. And besides, it's not so much what I'm doing that matters, but how I'm doing it. Do I approach my job with enthusiasm and love, or do I greet the day with frustration and resistance? Do I show those I work with and for my gratitude and goodness or do I play small and show them how entangled I am in the grips of my ego?
No matter what we're doing, we always have a choice in how we show up and how we go about doing whatever it is we're doing as mundane or boring as it may appear. It doesn't matter if we're dishwashers or doctors, working on an assembly line or presiding over nations, plugging data into a spreadsheet or working to cure diabetes, if we do the task with non-judgmental acceptance of the moment as it is and understand that all we do and how we behave is affecting the world and those around us, our awareness is a gift to the world. It also makes you realize how there is no such thing as a mundane, unimportant job.
When such awareness comes to you, if you're truly present, it's hard to choose anything other than gratitude and acceptance. It's hard to be bitter or bored, resentful or angry because you then see how whatever it is you bring to the task at hand influences your own mood and experience and has a ripple effect on the people and circumstances around you. I'm so glad I finally got that! I know now that regardless of whatever job I accept, I will be good at it because I'll be choosing to approach my work with an attitude of gratitude and an inner knowing that each task I engage in is important in and of itself and not just a means to an end. We are ultimately much more powerful than we often realize and can affect so many people in the world just by being who we are.
Having consumed all my glucose tablets over the weekend and foolishly not yet replaced them, I had no source of sugar with me or in my car. I decided not to test my bloodsugar as seeing the low number usually freaks me out even more and sucks the much needed vital energy from my system out of me. I told myself I was okay in this moment and that I would drive the four blocks to McDonalds to buy a soda. As I sat down in the driver's seat, I spied a tin of trail mix that had escaped from my purse. The holy grail! I inhaled the trail mix and don't recall tasting any of it. I decided I could drive and rush hour traffic ensued and it took a good five minutes to travel to the drive-thru only a few blocks away. I was still feeling low so I decided to order a Coke. The man on the intercom was super friendly and upbeat. I was feeling weak and tired and he was just what I needed. I remembered I had a coupon for a free southern style chicken sandwich so I ordered that as well. In my haziness, I forgot to actually give him the coupon, but he didn't charge me for it. The carbs in the trailmix started to get into my system and I started feeling a lot better.
I realized how grateful I was to the young and stocky African-American man who took my order at the drive-thru. He was chipper and funny and managed to convey such a sense of joy for his job--for the privilege of being of service to his fellow Americans that it really touched me deeply. He wasn't annoyed when it took me forever to order (low blood sugar delays cognitive functioning) and when I was rooting around the car for ten cents, he was just smiling and patient as ever, despite the growing line behind me. I told him that his kindness made my day and that I appreciated him being so joyful in his job. Even though he isn't performing brain surgery (thank goodness) or discovering the next big cure, he was fully present in the moment and joyful in what he was doing. He told me, "Well, I'm always grateful for our customers because without you, I'd be out of a job."
In that moment, something in me shifted. As some of you know, I've been looking for full-time "permanent" work for several months now. Nothing has manifested and I've been driving myself a teensy bit crazy by applying for a variety of jobs with no results. I keep telling myself that I have to have a certain kind of job and that it has to engage my passions (writing, education, helping students) and that I need to get a certain satisfaction from the job. What I failed to consider, however, is that it's not so much what I do, but who I am that really matters. Even if I end up having the job I recently applied for and really want (advisor for International Education/Study Abroad at a local university), I know that a job doesn't define me and doesn't determine my worth. A job can't give me something I don't already have within me nor can it take from me something I don't willingly give away. And besides, it's not so much what I'm doing that matters, but how I'm doing it. Do I approach my job with enthusiasm and love, or do I greet the day with frustration and resistance? Do I show those I work with and for my gratitude and goodness or do I play small and show them how entangled I am in the grips of my ego?
No matter what we're doing, we always have a choice in how we show up and how we go about doing whatever it is we're doing as mundane or boring as it may appear. It doesn't matter if we're dishwashers or doctors, working on an assembly line or presiding over nations, plugging data into a spreadsheet or working to cure diabetes, if we do the task with non-judgmental acceptance of the moment as it is and understand that all we do and how we behave is affecting the world and those around us, our awareness is a gift to the world. It also makes you realize how there is no such thing as a mundane, unimportant job.
When such awareness comes to you, if you're truly present, it's hard to choose anything other than gratitude and acceptance. It's hard to be bitter or bored, resentful or angry because you then see how whatever it is you bring to the task at hand influences your own mood and experience and has a ripple effect on the people and circumstances around you. I'm so glad I finally got that! I know now that regardless of whatever job I accept, I will be good at it because I'll be choosing to approach my work with an attitude of gratitude and an inner knowing that each task I engage in is important in and of itself and not just a means to an end. We are ultimately much more powerful than we often realize and can affect so many people in the world just by being who we are.
How do you choose to be?