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The Self Mutilator

Posted Aug 16 2010 9:05am

I am a young woman who survived a cutting addiction. I am here to talk with ANY young person if they may or may not be dealing with this issue in all forms. Please do not hesitate to contact me. You can email me at dogiewog@yahoo.com. Thank you.

 

 Here is my story. Young ladies who read this DO NOT take this as me encouraging teen pregnancy. The only reason I am putting this up is to show exactly where  I am coming from. I am here for you >_<

  Well, like many teen moms, I fell in love with a boy. I fell in love and well I loved it. He was everything I needed and he helped me with a rough spot in my life. In 8th grade when I was 14, I started to cut myself to deal with some anxiety and depression issues. I met Alex, the boy I fell in love with, and he understood I guess. Everyone thought they knew how to fix me, except Alex. Alex just listened and thats all I needed. I tried to stop cutting but I was already addicted. One day I took some pills at school and when I went home my mom could tell I was high. She yelled at me and repeatedly called me her screw up.. She even called me a freak cuz I cut myself. Believe me, looking back now I know my mom was just hurt. I know she must of felt like she had tried everything and nothing seemed to help. After my mom had finished she made a big mistake. She sent me to my room. My mind being cloudy from the pills, and hazy from crying so much, I just wanted it to stop. Stop everything. I was worthless, I had nothing to live for anyways, not even Alex. He deserved someone who did not need fixed. I was damaged goods. I tried to take my life that night. Maybe it was just the pills clouding my judgement. Maybe it was me. I don't know nor do I care. I got admitted to a hospital and from there to a psych ward. There was one time a few months before all this, I had thought I was pregnant. I was so happy. I even stopped cutting for a while. I felt that if my body housed such a precious life I could not harm it. When I found out I was not pregnant it hurt me. While in the psych ward I devised a plan. I would ask Alex to get me pregnant for real this time. When I proposed this insane notion to Alex he, to my disbelief, agreed. He would do anything to get me to not hurt myself.

 

 

 My advice to any who reads this, speak up. explain to people what they can do to help. I made an idiotic choice, I chose to get pregnant. I love my kids. But I miss the life I should have everyday. 

 I am now dedicated in living a healthy and fulfilling life. If not for me than my kids.. Speak up, get help. It probably feels like no one can help you or no one understands, trust me, someone does. But the main thing is, you have to help yourself.  

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