Chriiist, I want to binge on carbs right now sooo bad. I don’t know how much longer I can hold out, but I do want to hold out. I’m salivating at the thought of salt and vinegar crisps – it’s like a full on craving that I really can’t seem to stop thinking about. I turned down a trip to the supermarket earlier precisely because I do not trust myself to walk past all the ‘crap food’ aisles without throwing anything and everything that takes my passing fancy into the basket.
I know cravings do pass but sometimes you just think: How much longer? How much longer do I have to keep imagining the salty-bitter taste, the crunch and the munch of a gorgeous super-sized bag of Walkers? I’ve heard 30 minutes is the time it takes for a craving to pass and that if you can occupy yourself for that amount of time the craving will disappear.
Back it up. I should say why I am trying to resist this urge. After all, I’m certainly not one for going without my vices. I couldn’t bear a couple of weeks without the punctuation of a lovely bottle of wine on the weekend or a big fat cheesecake or chocolate or whatever it is I fancy at the time.
Okay, the thing is, I really would like to lose some weight. I’ve said this for a long time and its been true, but only in the half-arsed I’ll complain about it but I haven’t got the will to deny myself sense. You see, ever since I split up with my boyfriend, which is over a year ago now, I’ve lost interest in men. I just take a long while to emotionally detach myself from people and I suppose in some ways I equated keeping my weight down with being attractive to the xy’ers. Then there was the additional thing of wanting lots of treats food-wise because I was feeling a bit shitty emotionally. All in all it seemed more important to have my comfort food and drink than to control my weight.
Right. So, that was then. Now…now, I’m starting to feel a little differently. I actually don’t want my weight creeping up further than it already has. I’m a size 12-14 and rather hippy (not the flower-power kind, the other sort). I also have a past as feeling like ‘the fat kid’ in school, which, as anyone who has been a bit lumpy bumpy in those formative years will know, YOU NEVER FULLY FORGET IT. So, weight stays a bit of a sensitive issue.
I was thinking to myself earlier today that I actually wouldn’t want to have sex with anyone at my current weight. Now, that’s fucked up in ways that are too obvious to detail. I mean, I shouldn’t seriously be saying ‘even if I meet someone I like I can’t have sex with them as I am now’. Yet that’s kind of what I am saying. I don’t hate my body; I’m just not as comfortable with it as I would like to be. I’m not ready for visitors, shall we say. I like that way of putting it. Sort of the way you’d make damn sure you tidied up the house if you had someone coming round for the first time (Bad example: I’m hopelessly messy and don’t really care, but it’s a common enough scenario that most people do care).
Woah this post has gone places I didn’t exactly expect. I’m typing as I think here.
I suppose I’m saying that even though there’s no one in particular that I want to have sex with right now, I no longer feel that the idea of men and sex is out of the question. This frame of mind, should it continue, will raise a whole new set of doubts and dubiousnesses and fears, but they are for another post and another time.
For now, all I know is that a mindless binge, whilst pleasant, will just make me feel dumpy and make it less likely that I will lose the stone or so I would like to lose for starters. Right, I think that Walkers craving might actually have died down now, so maybe the half-hour rule does apply…
Chriiist, I want to binge on carbs right now sooo bad. I don’t know how much longer I can hold out, but I do want to hold out. I’m salivating at the thought of salt and vinegar crisps – it’s like a full on craving that I really can’t seem to stop thinking about. I turned down a trip to the supermarket earlier precisely because I do not trust myself to walk past all the ‘crap food’ aisles without throwing anything and everything that takes my passing fancy into the basket.
I know cravings do pass but sometimes you just think: How much longer? How much longer do I have to keep imagining the salty-bitter taste, the crunch and the munch of a gorgeous super-sized bag of Walkers? I’ve heard 30 minutes is the time it takes for a craving to pass and that if you can occupy yourself for that amount of time the craving will disappear.
Back it up. I should say why I am trying to resist this urge. After all, I’m certainly not one for going without my vices. I couldn’t bear a couple of weeks without the punctuation of a lovely bottle of wine on the weekend or a big fat cheesecake or chocolate or whatever it is I fancy at the time.
Okay, the thing is, I really would like to lose some weight. I’ve said this for a long time and its been true, but only in the half-arsed I’ll complain about it but I haven’t got the will to deny myself sense. You see, ever since I split up with my boyfriend, which is over a year ago now, I’ve lost interest in men. I just take a long while to emotionally detach myself from people and I suppose in some ways I equated keeping my weight down with being attractive to the xy’ers. Then there was the additional thing of wanting lots of treats food-wise because I was feeling a bit shitty emotionally. All in all it seemed more important to have my comfort food and drink than to control my weight.
Right. So, that was then. Now…now, I’m starting to feel a little differently. I actually don’t want my weight creeping up further than it already has. I’m a size 12-14 and rather hippy (not the flower-power kind, the other sort). I also have a past as feeling like ‘the fat kid’ in school, which, as anyone who has been a bit lumpy bumpy in those formative years will know, YOU NEVER FULLY FORGET IT. So, weight stays a bit of a sensitive issue.
I was thinking to myself earlier today that I actually wouldn’t want to have sex with anyone at my current weight. Now, that’s fucked up in ways that are too obvious to detail. I mean, I shouldn’t seriously be saying ‘even if I meet someone I like I can’t have sex with them as I am now’. Yet that’s kind of what I am saying. I don’t hate my body; I’m just not as comfortable with it as I would like to be. I’m not ready for visitors, shall we say. I like that way of putting it. Sort of the way you’d make damn sure you tidied up the house if you had someone coming round for the first time (Bad example: I’m hopelessly messy and don’t really care, but it’s a common enough scenario that most people do care).
Woah this post has gone places I didn’t exactly expect. I’m typing as I think here.
I suppose I’m saying that even though there’s no one in particular that I want to have sex with right now, I no longer feel that the idea of men and sex is out of the question. This frame of mind, should it continue, will raise a whole new set of doubts and dubiousnesses and fears, but they are for another post and another time.
For now, all I know is that a mindless binge, whilst pleasant, will just make me feel dumpy and make it less likely that I will lose the stone or so I would like to lose for starters. Right, I think that Walkers craving might actually have died down now, so maybe the half-hour rule does apply…
Chriiist, I want to binge on carbs right now sooo bad. I don’t know how much longer I can hold out, but I do want to hold out. I’m salivating at the thought of salt and vinegar crisps – it’s like a full on craving that I really can’t seem to stop thinking about. I turned down a trip to the supermarket earlier precisely because I do not trust myself to walk past all the ‘crap food’ aisles without throwing anything and everything that takes my passing fancy into the basket.
I know cravings do pass but sometimes you just think: How much longer? How much longer do I have to keep imagining the salty-bitter taste, the crunch and the munch of a gorgeous super-sized bag of Walkers? I’ve heard 30 minutes is the time it takes for a craving to pass and that if you can occupy yourself for that amount of time the craving will disappear.
Back it up. I should say why I am trying to resist this urge. After all, I’m certainly not one for going without my vices. I couldn’t bear a couple of weeks without the punctuation of a lovely bottle of wine on the weekend or a big fat cheesecake or chocolate or whatever it is I fancy at the time.
Okay, the thing is, I really would like to lose some weight. I’ve said this for a long time and its been true, but only in the half-arsed I’ll complain about it but I haven’t got the will to deny myself sense. You see, ever since I split up with my boyfriend, which is over a year ago now, I’ve lost interest in men. I just take a long while to emotionally detach myself from people and I suppose in some ways I equated keeping my weight down with being attractive to the xy’ers. Then there was the additional thing of wanting lots of treats food-wise because I was feeling a bit shitty emotionally. All in all it seemed more important to have my comfort food and drink than to control my weight.
Right. So, that was then. Now…now, I’m starting to feel a little differently. I actually don’t want my weight creeping up further than it already has. I’m a size 12-14 and rather hippy (not the flower-power kind, the other sort). I also have a past as feeling like ‘the fat kid’ in school, which, as anyone who has been a bit lumpy bumpy in those formative years will know, YOU NEVER FULLY FORGET IT. So, weight stays a bit of a sensitive issue.
I was thinking to myself earlier today that I actually wouldn’t want to have sex with anyone at my current weight. Now, that’s fucked up in ways that are too obvious to detail. I mean, I shouldn’t seriously be saying ‘even if I meet someone I like I can’t have sex with them as I am now’. Yet that’s kind of what I am saying. I don’t hate my body; I’m just not as comfortable with it as I would like to be. I’m not ready for visitors, shall we say. I like that way of putting it. Sort of the way you’d make damn sure you tidied up the house if you had someone coming round for the first time (Bad example: I’m hopelessly messy and don’t really care, but it’s a common enough scenario that most people do care).
Woah this post has gone places I didn’t exactly expect. I’m typing as I think here.
I suppose I’m saying that even though there’s no one in particular that I want to have sex with right now, I no longer feel that the idea of men and sex is out of the question. This frame of mind, should it continue, will raise a whole new set of doubts and dubiousnesses and fears, but they are for another post and another time.
For now, all I know is that a mindless binge, whilst pleasant, will just make me feel dumpy and make it less likely that I will lose the stone or so I would like to lose for starters. Right, I think that Walkers craving might actually have died down now, so maybe the half-hour rule does apply…