Tuesday, September 09, 2008
11:53 AM:
It’s been so hard to write, of course, that’s to be expected. Not just because I don’t seem to have the time, but because it’s a little hard to find the right words…
* Saturday – Wow. It’s pouring rain and there was a severe weather warning on the radio for flash flooding and winds in excess of 65km/h. Yay. It is, pretty much, the most shitful day in a long, long time. And I have to move house! Up early and to Mount Hutton to do the groceries to stock my pantry. While mum does the rounds of Coles, I head over (by foot – in the rain) to the other centre of the complex to buy Isa’s cat tower and a bath mat. The Reject Shop doesn’t have the cheap tower, so I need to get the dear one, which is bigger, and much heavier. Okay. And no, they don’t sell bathmats. WTF? Okay. Back to Coles, on foot, in the rain. As I get to the end of the steps one of the straps on the cat tower box snaps. It’s damn heavy, being made all of wood, and of course, the bigger size. Totally impossible to carry in any other way than with the straps too. I’m half way to shelter when the entire handle snaps. Okay. Two thirds of the way back to the car and there are no handles left and I’m left with a big, square, wooden box wrapped in plastic. Okay. So I got a bit wet. Back to the house and starting to ferry small boxes over to the house by hand, along with the groceries. We get to the house and turn on the water, only to discover an ominous ‘gushing’ sound from beneath the house… okay. Inspection by my mum’s friend (who is here to help) confirms that the ENTIRE plumbing pipe system is missing, having been sawn off and stolen. Okay. Was warned about this happening in the area, apparently they sell the copper for drug money. Hmmm. Right-y-o. so I call the Housing Maintenance line and they promise to have someone there in 4 hours. Meanwhile, mum’s friend installs all the blinds and curtain rails as mum and I ferry more boxes, and generally do everything we can until the removalists arrive. When the plumber gets here, he says that the damage is so extensive that the entire system needs to be replaced and can’t be done until Monday! It looks like I am spending the weekend without water. Lucky mum’s place is only 3 minutes away. Murray rustles up a 15 litre tub of spring water and 2 buckets of water and the lady next door says I’m free to use her outside tap if I need more. When I’m alone in the house for half an hour waiting, there is a punched wall, lots of extreme swear words and I spend the rest of the day wandering around muttering ‘poachers’ and ‘bastards’ and various other unsavory descriptions under my breath. Removalists arrive around 3pm. It’s pouring rain still. Windy as hell. Every box and piece of furniture is wet when it comes through the door so I’m running around with a towel drying everything off. But, to their credit, they did a great job, were very careful and were very quick. Breathe a small sigh. Starving, we grab a KFC variety bucket for dinner and stuff ourselves silly. Mum and Murray bring Isa over, who’s really distressed, but improves enough for me not to worry TOO much about her, help me pack away a few essentials before going home and I’m alone in my new house for the first time – and I’m so tired that I don’t care! My first night? Great! Slept like a baby! *sigh* A blessing, I’m sure.
* Sunday – Isa still wont eat and she wont even go to the toilet. I think she’s so used to going outside and she’s stressed too. Every tiny noise sends her under the bed, but occasionally she emerges and sniffs around, before finding a safe place again. Refuses water too. Mum, Murray and grandma spend most of the day here helping me unpack. The TV reception is surprisingly good, and the phone jack works, but isn’t connected yet, of course. A few niggling worries out of the way. I settle down to ring Maintenance again and report the rest of the repairs that need to be done. Apparently I will have a new mailbox by 6pm tomorrow. Someone will inspect the missing screen door and the suspect looking but working toilet cistern within 10 days. The broken oven door handle and the 5 kitchen cupboard doors who’s latches wont catch – unknown. (I couldn’t get much sense out of that particular lady. Unpacking, unpacking. Watched some weird documentary about Mawson and the Antarctic and the Russian Space Station. Yeah. Go figure. Set up my computer and downloaded and edited some photos I took before I left home. Had more time to think about things in bed that night…. The only word I could come up with at the time was ‘surreal’. This is so….. surreal. I still slept pretty good. Lots of strange noises of course, but I wasn’t scared at all, which is good.
* Monday – Finally I can get some basics done! The plumbers arrive at 8.30am, and Isa gets confined to the bedroom. They spend until 4.30pm that afternoon underneath the house! Then inform me that I have water, but not in the kitchen sink or the shower. Okay. The bath and basin and laundry work though, so I can deal a lot better. Will actually be able to wash up some dishes – I only have a 4 place set! Oh. And you don’t have any HOT water. Okay… They tried to light the pilot flame but something’s wrong with it and a gas specialist needs to come out and look at it. Okay. Meanwhile, I’m sitting on the lounge as very slowly, the smell of gas starts to waft in and fill up the room. Went outside and they were fiddling with the gas so I figured that was it. Nup. All the knobs on my stove were turned ‘on’ and gas was leaking into the house for about half an hour. Fark. I’ve never had gas before – I don’t know what I’m doing and it’s freaky. Turned off the stove and opened all the doors and windows. It took about an hour and a half until I couldn’t smell gas anymore. Plumbers said they’d be back tomorrow to fix up the rest of the job, apparently whowever poached my pipes did a really good job. So good in fact, that they cracked the concrete at the bottom of the house. Okay. See you tomorrow then. In the meantime, I connected the phone, applied for an internet connection and transferred the gas and electricity into my name. all over the phone. All by myself! Wow. The phone line is extremely crackly with lots of static. But at the moment I have a very old phone, so not sure if it’s the line or the phone. Need to test it soon. Internet takes 4 – 6 working days. Okay. Hope it’s 4. Or even 2 or 3, you know, I don’t mind, really… unpacking, unpacking. Grandma came over for most of the day and helped me with curtains and things, while I also packed all my CDs away and put all my DVDs into the glass TV unit. I also got out a lot of my personal statues and trinkets and put them into my display cabinet. TV is always on, no matter what’s on. Company, I guess. There’s a real world out there somewhere…. With people…. And animals other than cats… Rang my nurse at the hospital early as I woke in another night sweat and I’m sick of sleeping with a towel and a change of PJ’s by my bed. Getting desperate. She talked to Flowerman and got back to me with a dose change. Okay. Man to install mailbox never showed up. Okay… Managed to coax Isa to eat a bowl of food and she went to the toilet! In the litter box! SO advanced! (Never thought I could get excited about cat poop, but hey, these things happen..) Wandering around, I actually felt a bit depressed, and very alone. I realized my place didn’t look like it was lived in. it had no personality and that was probably contributing. So I spent a while fancying up the living room and putting up a heap of photo frames. After the work I’d done while grandma was here, it felt really good again. Night time and I got really spooked. Lots of suspicious noises and my paranoia seemed to have kicked in. lots of checking of doors and windows, turning the front light on and off and hovering over the ‘mute’ button on the remote control. I watched a really interesting documentary by David Attenborough about Monkeys, so got absorbed in that for a while, but still spooked. Ended up ringing mum at 10.30pm, just to hear someone’s voice. We chatted for a while and I ended up feeling a lot better.
* Tuesday (today) – This is such a dodgy neighborhood, but such a nice house. No wonder I haven’t been out of the house much…. I’m still scared of the neighbors! I rang Maintenance twice this morning and they hurried up the mailbox guy, who finished giving me a new mailbox just about half an hour ago. That’s good, because the postman had to come to the door with my mail – and he wasn’t happy about it. Okay. I was a bit worried that the plumbers hadn’t arrived by 11.30, but maintenance said it wasn’t urgent because I could have a shower at my mum’s house. Gee, okay. How convenient. Still, I’m expecting them today, and apparently they will give me a call to tell me when they’ll be here. That was an hour and a half ago. I need to go shopping! I told the lady on the Maintenance line that I couldn’t just sit around all day waiting for tradesmen that don’t show up, I need to get food! She said they’d ring me with a time. No call… getting pissed now. Isa’s a lot more comfortable. She actually sat on my lap last night. Progress. She’s eating, although not as much as she used to. Still, it’s good. She loves her tower, scratches it all the time and loves sitting on it and looking out the window! She even had a game with her little catnip mouse last night, which comforts me, cos if she’s comfortable enough to play, it means she’s getting used to the place. She seems almost bored today, though. I knew this would be a problem with her being inside all the time. Need to think laterally about ways to keep her active. I just started to hide a biscuit or two in the tunnel on top of her tower, but she doesn’t quite get it yet. Okay. Maybe I need to rotate her toys.
It’s weird having the computer without the internet. Not much to do on it! I still have so much unpacking to do. The spare room is FULL of boxes. Little by little they are waning – very slowly. I drag a box or two out every now and then. Mostly I’m just too tired though. It’s been the hugest week. I could sleep for days. Still, if I’m asleep I can’t hear the phone or the door, and at the moment that’s kind of essential. I can’t wait until all the work’s done and I can relax… because everything works. I especially can’t wait for a long, hot shower in MY shower, and working out how to use my gas stove so I don’t have to make my meal choices based on what can be cooked in the microwave! Mum is coming over after work tonight with a new phone so we can test whether the line is the problem or not, and also some cushions for the sofa – I’m using two blankets at the moment, the couch is really old and not entirely comfortable! Discovered I love visitors… I guess that might go away when I’m more comfortable. Everything looks different from here. I guess I jumped in the deep end when it comes to taking risks, dealing with the unfamiliar and the unknown. Hmmm, fancy that! Me? Wow. It’s hard to find words to describe, but I almost feel as though I’ve lost myself… everything around me is different, physically and psychologically. It’s like the environment I used to define myself and who I was has suddenly transformed… and I feel almost as if I’m without an anchor. Sometimes, it feels like I’ve been water in a glass for so long, and someone just released me into the Pacific Ocean! I don’t feel as contained – and while that’s probably a very positive thing, it’s also uncomfortable and really fucking scary. Disconcerting, definitely. Like I said, hard to describe. Moving out of home is a big thing. Bigger for some than others, and in different ways. It’s huge. Sometimes I think it’s the hugest thing I’ve attempted so far.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
10.43pm:
Ugh. What a night.
The plumbers returned today and worked almost 4 hours getting the rest of the system up and running. The gas specialist also arrived and turned on the gas and fixed the hot water – I never realized what a luxury a shower is! I had the longest, hottest, BEST shower ever…
Thankfully, all the major repairs are done now. All that’s left are some cupboard latches in the kitchen that don’t catch, the screen doors and the crackly phone line. But they are able to be lived with, for now. The major repairs are out of the way.
I had a long sleep this afternoon. And I didn’t feel guilty – it was so blissful.
Tonight was the shocker.
There were loud noises outside, teenagers laughing and whistling and loud bangs as they threw things at the house! I freaked out and called the police, but by the time they arrived, they were gone. They assured me it was probably kids and I agree, but at the time, it scared me senseless. I’ve never called 000 before… When the police got here, they were in plain clothes and I felt ridiculous as I asked them for ID, totally paranoid. I felt so stupid – a few noises and I call emergency! But I knew there was one or more people on my property, near my front door and the side of my house, so that was enough to make me ring. I guess I should ease up on myself.
I rang mum too and she came over just after the police arrived. She stayed for over and hour, and I felt a lot better. I still feel okay, actually. Still a bit sensitive to noises, but for the most part, I realize it was only kids being dickheads and they’re long gone.
While I was on hold with the police, I started to dissociate – to the point where I almost forgot what I was calling about… talk about a blank. But I managed to drag myself back to reality, albeit with great difficulty. Waiting for the police and mum to arrive I spaced out again, but once there were people around I was okay. Just the shock, fear, I guess, feeling unsafe. Not surprising I had that reaction. Feeling mostly grounded now, which is good, and also a little surprising… I feel as though I have gotten over this really quickly. I thought it would make me crack up – well, in a way it did – but I’d be stuffed for the night, and probably tomorrow too. But I feel okay. A little shaky, but safe. Okay.
Curious.
Isa has settled a lot, and I’m so glad, although sometimes boredom gets the best of her and she gets the naughty bug. Trying to keep her stimulated though, and I think it’s going okay.
Tomorrow I need to do my washing so I’m going over to mum’s (it’s so weird saying that… “mum and grandma’s house”….. it’s not “home” anymore…. Hmmm) for a few hours to use the washing machine. I’m thinking of taking Isa with me to give her a run around the yard again and she loves seeing grandma, so it will be good for her. She’s going to be there for the times I’m in hospital, and I figure that if I take her over there about once a week when I do my washing, it will not only help her boredom and give her variety, but also give her vital socialization with grandma and Missy. Plus, hopefully, she will begin to get used to car trips, maybe even associate them with something good. Who knows.
Did a fair bit of unpacking and organizing today. Got stuck into the boxes in the spare room – which is where everything goes until it’s unpacked, it’s a total mess, but useful! Although something makes me think it’s a little like ‘Mary Poppin’s Bag’, in that it never ends….. I seem to take out one box and there appear 2 in it’s place.
What’s nice is going through things that I haven’t looked at for years. Today one of the major things I did was unpack (and then re-pack!) all my old notebooks and scribblings and personal notes and journals. Every now and then I would read a short piece of something. Alternatively there were tears, embarrassment, empathy, smiles, laughter, pride, confusion and amazement at the life I have been through – even in just the last 5 years. I think somehow I forget just how much is packed into life. I remember 2004 for example and think ‘oh, nothing much big really happened that year’, but looking through a journal from back then and realizing the struggles and the thoughts and emotions and battles I fought just over the period of a few days…… I am amazed and puzzled.
How much we forget… how much matters so greatly at the time but isn’t even remembered a few years later…. It’s astonishing and revealing. Reading over old journals and diaries gives you an insight into yourself that is…. At times almost overwhelming in it’s intensity. I felt as though I was reading the thoughts of a stranger, spying on someone I didn’t know, and it almost felt naughty!
But made me realize how much I’ve changed.
Little trinkets and statues I’d forgotten I owned… Group notes I’d forgotten I even attended…. Old, faded dream catchers and hand sewn tarot pouches….. Mini bottles of perfume and oils…. That sign, that old tape player, that half-finished cross stitch, that hat (I have so many hats!)…. Hand painted canvases and old art sketch books…. And crystals…. And crystals….. Yes, I am a bit of a hoarder of all things meaningful or sentimental. Could you guess?
I wonder who would I be without my ‘things’? Because they reflect so much my personality, my beliefs. Or do they? A statue of a pregnant woman means different things to different people. Perhaps ‘things’ are just our mirrors. Anchors for our perceptions. Psychic security blankets.
Maybe.
Friday, September 12, 2008
9.00pm:
Yesterday and especially last night were just an intense emotional roller coaster.
I went to mum’s most of the day to do my washing. I took Isa with me and she had a really good time. She’s settled in back here again too so I’m glad it all went to plan.
Today I slept in until 1.30pm. It felt really good. Got up and went to the shopping centre to get my mail redirected at the post office and buy a kitchen bin. I reported my faulty/crackly phone line and Telstra said they’d be out Monday afternoon, thank god.
Mum and grandma came around for tea tonight with take away. I was hoping they’d come, I was feeling a bit flat again. Mum brought around the vacuum too and the place looks a lot better. She’s going to Sydney tomorrow for my cousin’s birthday, and she’ll be back on Sunday night. My aunty Lyn will be with her and she’s going to help me out with the house and curtains and stuff. Can’t wait to see her and show her the house.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
11.46pm:
I’ve been in a really good mood today. I’ve been looking forward to having aunty lyn visit, and she dropped in with mum and grandma tonight before tea. Over the week she and mum are going to help me do a lot of things around the house.
I’ve also felt very settled – content, almost. That’s a very unfamiliar feeling. It didn’t last long, but it was nice when it was there.
I finished the rest of my unpacking today. I’m proud of myself to have gotten it all done and I feel like everything has a place now, so it’s quite satisfying. Sort of like I’m no longer in that ‘rush’ period anymore, because now all that needs to be done is re-arranging everything until it suits and works well. I can’t wait until I can really start decorating the place properly. There are a few statues, photo frames, dangly things out, and one picture on the wall, but I have the rest of my pictures and decorations (crystals, dream catchers, etc) in a big box, ready to put up. It’s fun.
My back and neck are really sore tonight, but that’s normal since I’ve physically done a lot today.
I’m glad about the phone being fixed tomorrow, it’s driving me mad.
Tuesday 16th September
8.48pm:
Yesterday was another good day mood wise. Mum took the day off work and aunty lyn, mum and I spent the day in the house fixing curtain rods, blinds, window screens (so Isa can sit on the sill without falling out and I can get some air into the house). We also bought a tall cupboard to use as a pantry, freeing up valuable cupboard space for plates. mugs, etc. Bench space is a real comodity in this kitchen!
Thankfully, the internet was connected last night, but I couldn't access it for a few hours. Got me very frustrated! Grrrrr. After I found the missing cord (gggrrr!) and rang tech support, it finally worked, but not after 3 hours of me having a hissy fit on the floor next to the CPU. Anyway, all sorted now. Had 121 emails, countless news feeds and such to catch up on.... but it was great.
Today I slept in. Felt flat and gloomy and might have had a bit of a stomach bug too. Thank god it was pretty much okay by about 3pm. i went over to mum's to help her install her new wireless modem and stayed for tea too - vegies! I took Isa again, and she seemed to have a good time, and wasn't quite as upset about the drive in the car. Fingers crossed she continues to be more at ease with it.
Every now and then there are these moments, like when I woke up yesterday morning. I yawned and stretched and rolled over to look at the clock, then started thinking about the day ahead. And it felt so.... normal. It's strange but it feels like I've been ready to do this for ages, and it's just slotted into place.
Other times, I feel quite displaced.
I know that it's been incredibly overwhelming and I've barely had time to stop and think much about things. Maybe that's a good thing! Or maybe it's just easier than I thought.
I had a lot of anxiety last night, physical anxiety symptoms. I took some Neulactil and it helped a little. My head was racing, the thoughts wouldn't stop, all jumbled up and not making sense. Racing thoughts. Even the voices I hear at night were racing! LOL :) A very busy head, a very busy body. Lots of busy emotions. It's been a rollercoaster and dramatic.
I've survived though...
Thinking of starting a "House Without Pipes" Charity Fund....
*sigh*
I am either so tired I'm asleep standing up, or I'm going full ball. Slowly I think things might be easing back into middle ground. Maybe!
xXx
11:53 AM:
It’s been so hard to write, of course, that’s to be expected. Not just because I don’t seem to have the time, but because it’s a little hard to find the right words…
* Saturday – Wow. It’s pouring rain and there was a severe weather warning on the radio for flash flooding and winds in excess of 65km/h. Yay. It is, pretty much, the most shitful day in a long, long time. And I have to move house! Up early and to Mount Hutton to do the groceries to stock my pantry. While mum does the rounds of Coles, I head over (by foot – in the rain) to the other centre of the complex to buy Isa’s cat tower and a bath mat. The Reject Shop doesn’t have the cheap tower, so I need to get the dear one, which is bigger, and much heavier. Okay. And no, they don’t sell bathmats. WTF? Okay. Back to Coles, on foot, in the rain. As I get to the end of the steps one of the straps on the cat tower box snaps. It’s damn heavy, being made all of wood, and of course, the bigger size. Totally impossible to carry in any other way than with the straps too. I’m half way to shelter when the entire handle snaps. Okay. Two thirds of the way back to the car and there are no handles left and I’m left with a big, square, wooden box wrapped in plastic. Okay. So I got a bit wet. Back to the house and starting to ferry small boxes over to the house by hand, along with the groceries. We get to the house and turn on the water, only to discover an ominous ‘gushing’ sound from beneath the house… okay. Inspection by my mum’s friend (who is here to help) confirms that the ENTIRE plumbing pipe system is missing, having been sawn off and stolen. Okay. Was warned about this happening in the area, apparently they sell the copper for drug money. Hmmm. Right-y-o. so I call the Housing Maintenance line and they promise to have someone there in 4 hours. Meanwhile, mum’s friend installs all the blinds and curtain rails as mum and I ferry more boxes, and generally do everything we can until the removalists arrive. When the plumber gets here, he says that the damage is so extensive that the entire system needs to be replaced and can’t be done until Monday! It looks like I am spending the weekend without water. Lucky mum’s place is only 3 minutes away. Murray rustles up a 15 litre tub of spring water and 2 buckets of water and the lady next door says I’m free to use her outside tap if I need more. When I’m alone in the house for half an hour waiting, there is a punched wall, lots of extreme swear words and I spend the rest of the day wandering around muttering ‘poachers’ and ‘bastards’ and various other unsavory descriptions under my breath. Removalists arrive around 3pm. It’s pouring rain still. Windy as hell. Every box and piece of furniture is wet when it comes through the door so I’m running around with a towel drying everything off. But, to their credit, they did a great job, were very careful and were very quick. Breathe a small sigh. Starving, we grab a KFC variety bucket for dinner and stuff ourselves silly. Mum and Murray bring Isa over, who’s really distressed, but improves enough for me not to worry TOO much about her, help me pack away a few essentials before going home and I’m alone in my new house for the first time – and I’m so tired that I don’t care! My first night? Great! Slept like a baby! *sigh* A blessing, I’m sure.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
10.43pm:
Ugh. What a night.
The plumbers returned today and worked almost 4 hours getting the rest of the system up and running. The gas specialist also arrived and turned on the gas and fixed the hot water – I never realized what a luxury a shower is! I had the longest, hottest, BEST shower ever…
Thankfully, all the major repairs are done now. All that’s left are some cupboard latches in the kitchen that don’t catch, the screen doors and the crackly phone line. But they are able to be lived with, for now. The major repairs are out of the way.
I had a long sleep this afternoon. And I didn’t feel guilty – it was so blissful.
Tonight was the shocker.
There were loud noises outside, teenagers laughing and whistling and loud bangs as they threw things at the house! I freaked out and called the police, but by the time they arrived, they were gone. They assured me it was probably kids and I agree, but at the time, it scared me senseless. I’ve never called 000 before… When the police got here, they were in plain clothes and I felt ridiculous as I asked them for ID, totally paranoid. I felt so stupid – a few noises and I call emergency! But I knew there was one or more people on my property, near my front door and the side of my house, so that was enough to make me ring. I guess I should ease up on myself.
I rang mum too and she came over just after the police arrived. She stayed for over and hour, and I felt a lot better. I still feel okay, actually. Still a bit sensitive to noises, but for the most part, I realize it was only kids being dickheads and they’re long gone.
While I was on hold with the police, I started to dissociate – to the point where I almost forgot what I was calling about… talk about a blank. But I managed to drag myself back to reality, albeit with great difficulty. Waiting for the police and mum to arrive I spaced out again, but once there were people around I was okay. Just the shock, fear, I guess, feeling unsafe. Not surprising I had that reaction. Feeling mostly grounded now, which is good, and also a little surprising… I feel as though I have gotten over this really quickly. I thought it would make me crack up – well, in a way it did – but I’d be stuffed for the night, and probably tomorrow too. But I feel okay. A little shaky, but safe. Okay.
Curious.
Isa has settled a lot, and I’m so glad, although sometimes boredom gets the best of her and she gets the naughty bug. Trying to keep her stimulated though, and I think it’s going okay.
Tomorrow I need to do my washing so I’m going over to mum’s (it’s so weird saying that… “mum and grandma’s house”….. it’s not “home” anymore…. Hmmm) for a few hours to use the washing machine. I’m thinking of taking Isa with me to give her a run around the yard again and she loves seeing grandma, so it will be good for her. She’s going to be there for the times I’m in hospital, and I figure that if I take her over there about once a week when I do my washing, it will not only help her boredom and give her variety, but also give her vital socialization with grandma and Missy. Plus, hopefully, she will begin to get used to car trips, maybe even associate them with something good. Who knows.
Did a fair bit of unpacking and organizing today. Got stuck into the boxes in the spare room – which is where everything goes until it’s unpacked, it’s a total mess, but useful! Although something makes me think it’s a little like ‘Mary Poppin’s Bag’, in that it never ends….. I seem to take out one box and there appear 2 in it’s place.
What’s nice is going through things that I haven’t looked at for years. Today one of the major things I did was unpack (and then re-pack!) all my old notebooks and scribblings and personal notes and journals. Every now and then I would read a short piece of something. Alternatively there were tears, embarrassment, empathy, smiles, laughter, pride, confusion and amazement at the life I have been through – even in just the last 5 years. I think somehow I forget just how much is packed into life. I remember 2004 for example and think ‘oh, nothing much big really happened that year’, but looking through a journal from back then and realizing the struggles and the thoughts and emotions and battles I fought just over the period of a few days…… I am amazed and puzzled.
How much we forget… how much matters so greatly at the time but isn’t even remembered a few years later…. It’s astonishing and revealing. Reading over old journals and diaries gives you an insight into yourself that is…. At times almost overwhelming in it’s intensity. I felt as though I was reading the thoughts of a stranger, spying on someone I didn’t know, and it almost felt naughty!
But made me realize how much I’ve changed.
Little trinkets and statues I’d forgotten I owned… Group notes I’d forgotten I even attended…. Old, faded dream catchers and hand sewn tarot pouches….. Mini bottles of perfume and oils…. That sign, that old tape player, that half-finished cross stitch, that hat (I have so many hats!)…. Hand painted canvases and old art sketch books…. And crystals…. And crystals….. Yes, I am a bit of a hoarder of all things meaningful or sentimental. Could you guess?
I wonder who would I be without my ‘things’? Because they reflect so much my personality, my beliefs. Or do they? A statue of a pregnant woman means different things to different people. Perhaps ‘things’ are just our mirrors. Anchors for our perceptions. Psychic security blankets.
Maybe.
Friday, September 12, 2008
9.00pm:
Yesterday and especially last night were just an intense emotional roller coaster.
I went to mum’s most of the day to do my washing. I took Isa with me and she had a really good time. She’s settled in back here again too so I’m glad it all went to plan.
Today I slept in until 1.30pm. It felt really good. Got up and went to the shopping centre to get my mail redirected at the post office and buy a kitchen bin. I reported my faulty/crackly phone line and Telstra said they’d be out Monday afternoon, thank god.
Mum and grandma came around for tea tonight with take away. I was hoping they’d come, I was feeling a bit flat again. Mum brought around the vacuum too and the place looks a lot better. She’s going to Sydney tomorrow for my cousin’s birthday, and she’ll be back on Sunday night. My aunty Lyn will be with her and she’s going to help me out with the house and curtains and stuff. Can’t wait to see her and show her the house.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
11.46pm:
I’ve been in a really good mood today. I’ve been looking forward to having aunty lyn visit, and she dropped in with mum and grandma tonight before tea. Over the week she and mum are going to help me do a lot of things around the house.
I’ve also felt very settled – content, almost. That’s a very unfamiliar feeling. It didn’t last long, but it was nice when it was there.
I finished the rest of my unpacking today. I’m proud of myself to have gotten it all done and I feel like everything has a place now, so it’s quite satisfying. Sort of like I’m no longer in that ‘rush’ period anymore, because now all that needs to be done is re-arranging everything until it suits and works well. I can’t wait until I can really start decorating the place properly. There are a few statues, photo frames, dangly things out, and one picture on the wall, but I have the rest of my pictures and decorations (crystals, dream catchers, etc) in a big box, ready to put up. It’s fun.
My back and neck are really sore tonight, but that’s normal since I’ve physically done a lot today.
I’m glad about the phone being fixed tomorrow, it’s driving me mad.