I started the medication yesterday. It makes me angry to be on this stuff. I guess I still haven’t accepted that this is what I have to deal with. My husband keeps reminding me that the reason I am taking this medication is to make things better.
I wanted to tell him I’m taking the medication because I was afraid I would off myself if I didn’t.
It makes me angry that I have to deal with all this. Angry that I have to go back to weekly therapy appointments and monthly medication appointments. Angry that every few months I have to get used to a re-adjustment of the medication. I should be thankful that I don’t have to be hospitalized. I should be thankful I don’t have depression with psychotic features. I should be thankful that I can still work.
And I am (somewhat) thankful, but my anger is stronger.
On another topic, I recently read online that the
basal ganglia, while once believed to only deal with motor functions, also has influence in mood regulation. My cerebral palsy is a result of brain damage to the basal ganglia. I wonder if this has a direct correlation to the depression. If that’s the case, then knowing that makes me feel more justified and like less of a whiney, ungrateful person.
I wanted to tell him I’m taking the medication because I was afraid I would off myself if I didn’t.
It makes me angry that I have to deal with all this. Angry that I have to go back to weekly therapy appointments and monthly medication appointments. Angry that every few months I have to get used to a re-adjustment of the medication. I should be thankful that I don’t have to be hospitalized. I should be thankful I don’t have depression with psychotic features. I should be thankful that I can still work.
And I am (somewhat) thankful, but my anger is stronger.
On another topic, I recently read online that the basal ganglia, while once believed to only deal with motor functions, also has influence in mood regulation. My cerebral palsy is a result of brain damage to the basal ganglia. I wonder if this has a direct correlation to the depression. If that’s the case, then knowing that makes me feel more justified and like less of a whiney, ungrateful person.