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Diary/Complementary therapy/feeling sad

Posted Nov 04 2009 10:06pm

images

Feeling rather unmotivated today.  It’s Halloween tomorrow; I like Halloween.  Still feel sad.  If I were standing outside myself I might come upto myself, grab myself by the shoulders, shake profusely, and bellow ‘what the hell is the matter with you?’

I have a feeling my response would be a subdued ‘don’t really know…’

One thing I’ve just remembered is I had a dream about a job I applied for, just some temporary Christmas work, and I received an envelope from the store (in the dream; haven’t heard anything back in real life), which had penned on the back several reasons they couldn’t employ me.  One that stuck out was ‘too much of a risk with health condition’.  How bizarre.  Well, bizarre in that it’s so straightforward rather than a weird dream.  It highlights my fears obviously and succinctly.  I’m scared of applying for jobs because I’m scared of being rejected due to my health issues.  With dreams like that who needs nightmares, hey? 

There is something of a vicious circle here that I need to break into.  Not applying for things because I’m scared I’ll be rejected is a sure fire way to end up with nothing.  And depression loves to feed upon such fears.  I’m also scared I might make my health worse by working – not the depression, but the CFS side of things.  But I think that could be avoided by looking and applying for a very small number of hours per week.

Maybe my sad/dejected mood has nothing to do with the above, it’s just a theory. 

My sister says I need to go buy a Halloween costume to get in the spirit of things.  Perhaps. 

I’m supposed to be going to the cinema later tonight.  It might cheer me up.

Complementary Therapy

No, that’s not paying someone to assail me with rapid-fire nuggets, like: ”wow, have you lost a few pounds?”;  “LOVE! the shoes, by the way”; “I think you just might be the bestest most spiffing-est person I’ve ever darn well met”; “Your fab!  Can we hang out, like, all  the time, please?”  Though that would undoubtedly be a very nice way to spend half an hour, I was referring to the complementary therapies, such as aromatherapy, homeopathy, massage etc.

Yesterday I had a massage.  I used an out of date voucher for a local salon, which luckily they still accepted despite its out of date-ness.  Here’s a weird thing.  It was a full back massage, which I thought might infuse some positivity into me as the essential oils absorbed into my skin with the careful caresses of the masseuse.

I was wrong. 

I think massage is lovely, but I wouldn’t recommend it if you are feeling very low.  I found it too difficult to focus on the positivity of the massage because the nature of it, lying there quietly, allowed my negative thoughts to percolate round my head. 

When I went in to the salon I was shown to a room, advised to strip to knickers-only and then deposit myself between two towels.  This I did.  The lady then wafted two bottles of heady orange oils in front of my nose and asked which I preferred.  I chose the relaxing version rather than the invigorating mix.  Now I think maybe that was a mistake because my mood was low not anxious, so perhaps the other oil would have left me less knackered afterwards.

Anyway, the massage was lovely.  I can see how it would be really beneficial if I was feeling anxious or stressed.  Calming music in the background, tea-light candles lit around the room, softly warmed towels.  My particular treatment involved exfoliation first and in between each of the products she was applying she covered my back with a hot damp towel to remove the excess.  Afterwards I told her about my tension headaches and stiffness in my shoulders and she commented that I had loads of knots there.  I’m not surprised, mental and physical being entwined as they are.

To sum this up then, I think you need to be careful what treatments and therapies you try.  I wouldn’t have a massage whilst depressed again because I think I’d have had more benefit from a thought-distraction activity, like exercise or a film.  Massage has been suggested to me for my CFS and I know it’s good for stress levels so I would do it again in a less depressed frame of mind.

Today I’m still quite low.  I can’t quite get a grip on it at the moment.  The fact I’m able to write this here is an indicator I’m not majorly depressed, because in the major depressive episodes I’ve had I haven’t been able to get dressed, let alone function enough to write.

Let’s have some good luck and good moods soon, please, thank you very much..

images

Feeling rather unmotivated today.  It’s Halloween tomorrow; I like Halloween.  Still feel sad.  If I were standing outside myself I might come upto myself, grab myself by the shoulders, shake profusely, and bellow ‘what the hell is the matter with you?’

I have a feeling my response would be a subdued ‘don’t really know…’

One thing I’ve just remembered is I had a dream about a job I applied for, just some temporary Christmas work, and I received an envelope from the store (in the dream; haven’t heard anything back in real life), which had penned on the back several reasons they couldn’t employ me.  One that stuck out was ‘too much of a risk with health condition’.  How bizarre.  Well, bizarre in that it’s so straightforward rather than a weird dream.  It highlights my fears obviously and succinctly.  I’m scared of applying for jobs because I’m scared of being rejected due to my health issues.  With dreams like that who needs nightmares, hey? 

There is something of a vicious circle here that I need to break into.  Not applying for things because I’m scared I’ll be rejected is a sure fire way to end up with nothing.  And depression loves to feed upon such fears.  I’m also scared I might make my health worse by working – not the depression, but the CFS side of things.  But I think that could be avoided by looking and applying for a very small number of hours per week.

Maybe my sad/dejected mood has nothing to do with the above, it’s just a theory. 

My sister says I need to go buy a Halloween costume to get in the spirit of things.  Perhaps. 

I’m supposed to be going to the cinema later tonight.  It might cheer me up.

Complementary Therapy

No, that’s not paying someone to assail me with rapid-fire nuggets, like: ”wow, have you lost a few pounds?”;  “LOVE! the shoes, by the way”; “I think you just might be the bestest most spiffing-est person I’ve ever darn well met”; “Your fab!  Can we hang out, like, all  the time, please?”  Though that would undoubtedly be a very nice way to spend half an hour, I was referring to the complementary therapies, such as aromatherapy, homeopathy, massage etc.

Yesterday I had a massage.  I used an out of date voucher for a local salon, which luckily they still accepted despite its out of date-ness.  Here’s a weird thing.  It was a full back massage, which I thought might infuse some positivity into me as the essential oils absorbed into my skin with the careful caresses of the masseuse.

I was wrong. 

I think massage is lovely, but I wouldn’t recommend it if you are feeling very low.  I found it too difficult to focus on the positivity of the massage because the nature of it, lying there quietly, allowed my negative thoughts to percolate round my head. 

When I went in to the salon I was shown to a room, advised to strip to knickers-only and then deposit myself between two towels.  This I did.  The lady then wafted two bottles of heady orange oils in front of my nose and asked which I preferred.  I chose the relaxing version rather than the invigorating mix.  Now I think maybe that was a mistake because my mood was low not anxious, so perhaps the other oil would have left me less knackered afterwards.

Anyway, the massage was lovely.  I can see how it would be really beneficial if I was feeling anxious or stressed.  Calming music in the background, tea-light candles lit around the room, softly warmed towels.  My particular treatment involved exfoliation first and in between each of the products she was applying she covered my back with a hot damp towel to remove the excess.  Afterwards I told her about my tension headaches and stiffness in my shoulders and she commented that I had loads of knots there.  I’m not surprised, mental and physical being entwined as they are.

To sum this up then, I think you need to be careful what treatments and therapies you try.  I wouldn’t have a massage whilst depressed again because I think I’d have had more benefit from a thought-distraction activity, like exercise or a film.  Massage has been suggested to me for my CFS and I know it’s good for stress levels so I would do it again in a less depressed frame of mind.

Today I’m still quite low.  I can’t quite get a grip on it at the moment.  The fact I’m able to write this here is an indicator I’m not majorly depressed, because in the major depressive episodes I’ve had I haven’t been able to get dressed, let alone function enough to write.

Let’s have some good luck and good moods soon, please, thank you very much..

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