I believe that the only person that has not given up on me is everyone else except me. Maybe this thinking is on my worse days. The one that hits the hardest, " I put on my best face when I talk to you because I know that you are not interested in the pain and I can not afford to lose you." This so rings true in my romantic relationships. I feel lke this "normal" man that I am currently seeing would just give me away if he knew what I dealt with inside every day. I have very difficult dreams every time that I close my eyes that deal with hurtful past relationships. They are so painful that I hate going to sleep and I wake up in physical pain from hurt. I don't know who I am and perhaps I never will. I have watched myself live my life, like I was floating above my body. Now that I feel like I am living an in-body life, I have never been more confused about what I'm doing here. These articles are the only things that help me!