You see it coming on the calender and it does not matter what you do for once the date lands on that bold number the past is going to come back trying to knock you off your feet. The second the month turned to January my brain began to fixate on the number for on that day my life changed forever and it will never again be the same. When it happened I tried to push it away by throwing myself into my studies and work hanging on to the notion that if I could pretend it did not happen then some warp in time would make it go away.
I wonder about things I can not control like what would happen if the event would not have taken place. Would my breakdown have occurred? Where would I be if it never happened? The use of energy towards this matter is a complete waste as it is unable to change what took place yet I still try to rationalize what took place.
Doctors, Therapists and other mental health professionals jump to the conclusion that the days events are what triggered my mental illness and they do so because it is the simple answer. What happened seven years ago is a part of life no matter how much I wish it was not. People get sick and people die and the day that use to carry no meaning is now flashing brightly on the calender a trigger that is impossible to ignore. Take care.