"It takes two to speak the truth – one to speak and another
to hear.
"
–Henry David Thoreau
How many times have you been in a conversation with someone and realized that they weren't really listening to what you were saying, they were just waiting for you to take a breath so that they could start talking. Let's face it, we all love to hear ourselves talk. The problem is this, if we only talk and never listen, we never learn anything new. We only know our own truth, and it's not always the real truth.
Think about a time when you've tried to give critical feedback. As a manager, you know that a lot happens before you actually utter the words. You've already spent lots of time thinking about the problem, documenting the behavior, and figuring out how to approach the person in a positive, yet firm manner. You've put all that effort into this and now you're finally started the discussion. Unfortunately, you find yourself face to face with someone who doesn't want to hear a word you're saying. You see the shades come down as they go inside their head to prepare their defense. There's not a chance that they will even consider the validity of what you're trying to say. Many times, a staff member would rather quit than admit you're right and try to change.
Who's to blame? Well, maybe both of you. How are you bringing up the issue? Are you being positive and reinforcing their good points, or are you jumping right in and slamming them with the bad news without any finesse? I'm not suggesting that you baby adults, but I am saying that you set the stage for success. When you give a staff member the opportunity to feel good about themself, they can accept that a few things need work. Defensiveness is usually in response to an attack. People who are being attacked react by shutting down, it's a self protective mechanism. People let in what they can handle. Most people can handle critical feedback, as long as the delivery is respectful and considerate.
It's the same with patients. You have to talk to them in a way that makes them willing to listen. You also have to listen, wanting to understand so that you can find out what they want for themselves. If you want them to listen to you, you have to appeal to their hopes and dreams, and to what's important to them. When you listen attentively, you can then speak in a way that shows them that you heard them and understand them.
It all comes down to respect and honesty. It's respectful to listen when someone is talking and it's the only way to really achieve true honesty between people. Show that you'll do your part and you may find that others will do the same.
–Henry David Thoreau
How many times have you been in a conversation with someone and realized that they weren't really listening to what you were saying, they were just waiting for you to take a breath so that they could start talking. Let's face it, we all love to hear ourselves talk. The problem is this, if we only talk and never listen, we never learn anything new. We only know our own truth, and it's not always the real truth.
Think about a time when you've tried to give critical feedback. As a manager, you know that a lot happens before you actually utter the words. You've already spent lots of time thinking about the problem, documenting the behavior, and figuring out how to approach the person in a positive, yet firm manner. You've put all that effort into this and now you're finally started the discussion. Unfortunately, you find yourself face to face with someone who doesn't want to hear a word you're saying. You see the shades come down as they go inside their head to prepare their defense. There's not a chance that they will even consider the validity of what you're trying to say. Many times, a staff member would rather quit than admit you're right and try to change.
Who's to blame? Well, maybe both of you. How are you bringing up the issue? Are you being positive and reinforcing their good points, or are you jumping right in and slamming them with the bad news without any finesse? I'm not suggesting that you baby adults, but I am saying that you set the stage for success. When you give a staff member the opportunity to feel good about themself, they can accept that a few things need work. Defensiveness is usually in response to an attack. People who are being attacked react by shutting down, it's a self protective mechanism. People let in what they can handle. Most people can handle critical feedback, as long as the delivery is respectful and considerate.
It's the same with patients. You have to talk to them in a way that makes them willing to listen. You also have to listen, wanting to understand so that you can find out what they want for themselves. If you want them to listen to you, you have to appeal to their hopes and dreams, and to what's important to them. When you listen attentively, you can then speak in a way that shows them that you heard them and understand them.
It all comes down to respect and honesty. It's respectful to listen when someone is talking and it's the only way to really achieve true honesty between people. Show that you'll do your part and you may find that others will do the same.