In the light of the sun, is there anyone?
Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed... you said...
You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains
~Augustana, Boston~
The envelope arrived yesterday. The return address was the hospital where my son entered and left this world.
I figured they wanted money and almost threw it out.
And then I opened it.
An invitation to a memorial service honoring lost souls, sponsored by the OB and pediatric departments.
My mom came over last night. I silently handed it to her. She read it and put it down. Didn't say a word.
Later in the evening, I showed it to my husband. Nothing. No questions. No comments. Nada.
How much does it hurt that the people who say they love me the most have no words for me. They have put it behind them and have moved on.
I'm getting used to my new normal too - but he was a part of me. Does anyone understand that?!? It was my belly they opened up. It was our shared cord that they cut. I gave him life. And because of me, because my body sucks, he died. God damnit. He DIED!!! I can't put that behind me. There will never be a day I don't remember.
I don't expect this to be at the top of everyone's mind, but I at least expect a reaction when I show them info. about a memorial service to commemorate the loss.
At least I expect my emotionally stunted husband to say something. Anything.
Shows where our relationship has been headed.
I feel like I've changed, but no one else has. It's like they don't know me anymore.
The envelope arrived yesterday. The return address was the hospital where my son entered and left this world.
I figured they wanted money and almost threw it out.
And then I opened it.
An invitation to a memorial service honoring lost souls, sponsored by the OB and pediatric departments.
My mom came over last night. I silently handed it to her. She read it and put it down. Didn't say a word.
Later in the evening, I showed it to my husband. Nothing. No questions. No comments. Nada.
How much does it hurt that the people who say they love me the most have no words for me. They have put it behind them and have moved on.
I'm getting used to my new normal too - but he was a part of me. Does anyone understand that?!? It was my belly they opened up. It was our shared cord that they cut. I gave him life. And because of me, because my body sucks, he died. God damnit. He DIED!!! I can't put that behind me. There will never be a day I don't remember.
I don't expect this to be at the top of everyone's mind, but I at least expect a reaction when I show them info. about a memorial service to commemorate the loss.
At least I expect my emotionally stunted husband to say something. Anything.
Shows where our relationship has been headed.
I feel like I've changed, but no one else has. It's like they don't know me anymore.