The moon will rise, the sun will set, but I won't forget
Posted May 12 2010 7:13pm
Fly, fly do not fear Don't waste a breath, don't shed a tear Your heart is pure, your soul is free Be on your way, don't wait for me Above the universe you'll climb On beyond the hands of time The moon will rise, the sun will set But I won't forget
Fly, fly little wing Fly where only angels sing Fly away, the time is right Go now, find the light
~Celine Dion, Fly~
I'm trying to decide what to do about this blog. Maintain it? Shut it down? Not sure yet.
Calieb is always with me - I think of him every day. Some days I find it more difficult to cope than others. And most days finding the time to sit down to write my thoughts out is nearly impossible.
And then things happen that send me back.
One of my kids' teachers took yesterday off for a family event with her 14 siblings. I felt badly for my two because they liked that concept. I obviously can't deliver so the feelings of inadequacy bubble up.
I still have flashbacks - obviously PTSD. Snapshots of moments that occurred during my pregnancy. I shudder and close my eyes to try to will them away.
I've come to the conclusion that I'll be on antidepressants for the rest of my life. Obviously my brain has changed what it produces as a result of mental trauma.
I am one nearly week into not having any alcohol - that was getting out of control. After waking up with a screaming hangover last week, I decided to cut it out cold turkey. No more wine in the house. First time in years I've gone this long without a drink. I've been a bit edgy and irritable since then, but it needed to be done. I clearly see now that I have a challenge in this area and probably will going forward.
Just add it to the list.
And then there's the rest of my life - which really lends itself to an entirely different blog.
So back to this blog. I guess I need to make some decisions about upkeep. I did this to help others. I've made some virtual friends. At the end of the day, whether or not this blog live on, I won't forget Calieb. He'll always be with me.