Health knowledge made personal
I'm so very sorry for everything you are going through.
I too have lost people who have been very close to me, but no one affected me like the death of my mother. Like you my mother was not just my mother, she was my best friend, my confidant, in a way - my soul mate. I felt like we had known each other for many lifetimes. My mother passed in 1993, after a battle with cancer. I was her caregiver, so when she died, my entire life changed. I know longer had the person I cared most about in this world, and I no longer had a job. She was my job for about a year.
Even now I have a hard time talking about her without crying. That bothers me sometimes, because I'd like to be able to talk about her with joy and rememberance. Some days I can, but most days I still grieve for her so much.
I even went into therapy because people kept telling me that my grief wasn't healthy. My therapist told me that my relationship with my mother was very special, and unilke most relationships. She told me that my grief wasn't something I should be ashamed of or try to hurry. That I will probably always grieve for my mother. It gets easier. I'm not consumed with grief all the time like I used to be. But somedays, it's harder.
Grief is different for everyone. My advise, don't try to dismiss your grief. Just try to find a way to walk with it. I actually started to feel guilty when I started to feel better. I felt like I was betraying my mother. I knew she wouldn't want that. So I continued to try to pick up the pieces, and remember the better days. When you can remember the good times you had with your loved ones, instead of the time of their dying, it gets better. Try not to think of the what ifs.
Perhaps something good can come from their deaths? My mother died of lung cancer, this caused my father and other family members to stop smoking. It also made me a huge advocate against smoking. I like to think that she didn't die in vain.
If you need to talk, please feel free to send me a message. I may not be able to make it go away, but I'm a good listener. And sometimes that's what you really need, a person who can listen, and who isn't involved with the situation.
I hope you have better days.
wendy
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the hardest greif I ever had to contend with
Posted by steppinwide
June 12 2010 , my nephew died in my arms after suffering sudden death syndrome. it was later determine that he had died from cardiovascular disease, obesity, and hypertension. I'm a Vietnam vet and have had lots of people to either die in my arms, or in close proximity. maybe it was because he was a close blood relative but I've never experience pain and grief like this before. my mom had always said he felt like a son rather than a grandson to her. she was also in failing health & 86 yrs old. Every night he would come over to her apt and sit and talk with her there was nothing more precious to him than his Nana. she took his death really hard and his passing just seem to take all the fight out of her. her health went further downhill,until finally she had to be hospitalized (we later found out she was suffering from parkinson disease) we (siblings) had always said that we would never put her in a nursing home. but she to was very obese and by having Parkinson disease there was no way we could maneuver her in order for us to tend to her needs like bathing etc. short term nursing care became the only option, but just like my nephew it seem that in a blink of an eye, she to was gone. that's two close family members in less than 5 months. before we had a chance to reflect on her life and death one more death occurred this one was my great nephew, 16 years old, he was shot in the head and kill all because of a female. I had even tole him before, "son I know your hormones are kicking in big time, but get that education and find out what you want to do with your life and then you will have plenty of time for girls. but unfortunately my advice didn't sink in. and to show how brutal his death was the perps that shot him threw him out of their car like a sack of trash (evedentually he didn't have his wallet and no Id) for he laid up there in the city morgue for nearly a week before he was identified. sometimes I feel like I can't go on. I feel so empty inside and so all alone. my mom was not only my mom, but she was my confidant my best friend, and my sister in christ. they tell me that I have to stop grieving so hard but I can't help it I'll go for maybe a week and it feel like I've finally put her death behind me, but then like a tornado that seems to appear out of nowhere it come back full force and worst than before. can someone out there please give me some advice