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I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For

Posted Oct 11 2008 12:00am
The phone anticipation builds as I need something exciting to occur on this ordinary day.

I race for it hoping that the person on the other line is going to tell me I won a trip to Hawaii, the lottery, free therapy for a year. Anything.

I pick it up…

“Hello. This is a reminder about your appointment at 11am on October 15th. Please press one to confirm.”

Bummer. It’s an automated call from the OB’s office reminding me about my post-op appointment next week. Her office is typically overflowing with glowing pregnant women and their supporting partners – holding hands, looking at ultrasound pictures, flipping through magazine like “Parents” and “Fit Pregnancy”. Should be a jolly good time for me and my empty uterus.

I have my list of questions set to go. I’ve still been combing the internet to see if I can find anything more about cornual pregnancies. So what am I looking for? Whatever it is, I haven’t found it.

I know that this is done – I can’t change it. I know that the doctor will stand by her statement that I was in grave danger and Bon Bini needed to be removed. Even if I went to another doctor with all of the same info. and they presented a potentially different outcome, what difference would it make now?

Yet I still keep looking for the answer as to why this occurred and whether it had to. And I continue to come up empty many senses.
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