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I am having trouble accepting help after my son passed away. Why?

Posted by CARM

I have a wonderful friend who is very willing to help me deal with the loss of my son. He was 5 when he passed from cancer. That was 11 years ago. My friend never knew my son, as the friendship developed after.

I am happily married, but do not look to my husband for support. I worry about him worrying about me. We have a great relationship and have very strong and open communication. We talk about our son all the time. I have other friends, but do not feel comfortable talking to them about the death of my son. I talk to them about the things we did when he was alive, the trips we took as a family....his treatment etc. But, when it comes to the palliative care and end of life stuff, I avoid it unless I am talking with my new friend. She looks me in the eye and wants to know what I am feeling, thinking about everything. I feel, for the first time, I have someone who really understands what I am going through. She says all the right things, is there when I need her and is engaged in the conversation. I think she would do anything she could to help me through this.

For the most part, I am ok during the year, but his anniversary is coming up. During the rest of the year, we get together about once a month and talk about everything under the sun. Usually around his anniversary, I get a little funky to say the least. I find myself avoiding my friend and not wanting to see her. I'd rather pick a fight with her than talk about what is bothering me. I can't understand what my problem is. I know keeping all the emotion and grief that surfaces this time of the year is not healthy. I have a wonderful friend who is willing to help and I am very comfortable talking with.....and all I want to do is use her for a punching bag.

Answers (2)
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It sounds like God has sent you an angel to help you through your grief. I've never met anyone who knows exactly what to say. I DONT EVEN KNOW & I'VE BEEN THROUGH IT. You'd rather pick a fight with her than talk about it this time of year because your depression is increased. You're more emotional right now. It's sort of a self-preservation thing. I am betting your angel knows this, but explain it once just so you'll feel better & then move on knowing she understands you. And thank God for this friend daily!

Dear Friend,

My son 19 years old was just killed by a 17 year old boy. I have to deal with the pain of having  my son for 19 years of his life, and face the fact that he is no longer with me. But

I am working so much to keep my mind bussy that I forget to stop and think about the truth. So this means that I push away people who care for me so much maybe think that I don't want to have them in my pain that when I come to see the pain is still with me no matter who much I try and put things behind my mind that is not accepting reality. Pray seek help and cry if you have to it is okay. Ask your higher power to give you straght to move on.Don't push your firends and family away. It is not going to bring your son back.

Take care your friend  Latin1962 


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