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Women - You Don't Need to Be "Sexy" When You Dance

Posted by Stephanie B.

Why are we women obsessed about looking and feeling "sexy"? When we say we are doing sexy dancing not for men but for ourselves, we're kidding ourselves. We're still doing it because we've bought into society's brainwashing about what the "ideal" woman is supposed to be.

How come I never hear a woman say she's taking dance in order to be goofy or silly? Why don't we ever do anything just because it's fun? Why are we constantly trying to make ourselves attractive to that "other" outside ourselves?

I can't tell how many times I see certain types of dancing advertised as helping women feel "sexier." This includes bellydancing and pole dancing. Well, I'd like to see dancing for women advertised as freeing my inner child, not my inner slut.

The irony, of course, is that the man who would truly love you will find more happiness watching you be genuinely silly and goofy, than trying to put on a false sense of "sexy" just to keep up with the image of women in the media.

So the next time you start dancing, don't do it because you're trying to look "sexy" on the outside. Do it for the fun of it. Who cares how silly you might look?

Comments (3)
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I really enjoy dancing, but if I feel that I am being watched, it just takes all the fun out of it. In this particular thing, I get lots of motivation from my husband, who may not be a good dancer, but just- a dancer. He loves to get out there on the dance floor and just have fun. In addition, because he enjoys himself so much, this passes this on to others around him as well. I really wish I could be more like that instead of wanting to "do it right" and not really enjoying what I am doing. It will take me a while, but I am sure I will get there.
Not that I think there's anything wrong with being "sexy," but to me, sexy isn't about some kind of an image we are trying to conform to in order to please somebody else or live up to societal standards--it's about letting your body be free to do its own thing and rock out to its own drummer. To me, letting go of the kinds of inhibitions that tell us how we should act, move, or look is liberating--and THAT'S what I find sexy. It's true that this can backfire, though, and a lot of times, dancing really figures into women's insecurities about their bodies. I am also interested in why pole dancing has become so popular--it's like women still feel they need to make some sort of ridiculous statement or huge effort to be sexy (i.e., the whole stripper fantasy) in order to be confident. But I think that's because dancing traditionally has been rooted in social roles. I'd like to see that change as well. I love being in the middle of a club or concert and just seeing people move their bodies, uncoordinated or not. "Dance like there's no one looking" is something I wish more people could live by.
Yeah.. I wonder the same thing. When I think about it though, most structured dancing will usually have its essence of the woman being sensual, submissive, and/or sexy -- like tango, rumba, salsa, ballroom. If there was a structured dance where women didn't shake their hips and instead had goofy movements, I would imagine that women would still equally replicate those goofy movements. My theory is that it's just the way these traditional dances have been structured ... unfortunately, there definitely is that pressure to stick to that sensualness in order to do the traditional dance "right." What I personally end up doing in clubs with my friends is a combination of "sexy" moves with silliness... be it goofy/preposterous facial expressions or strange looking movements mixed in with "common sexy club moves." It's pretty funny rousing entertained laughter from friends that way and it is somewhat liberating. I also find that it launches a domino effect and gets some of my friends to loosen up and do weird movements of their own. hehe. But yes, I definitely feel your point about this general preoccupation of always looking sexy...
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