And I have no idea why I'm in this sort of mindset lately. I'm happy, I am. But... it's so easy to get pissed or upset about a few specific things lately and I hate it. Usually, my way of coping is to go out and take photos. It's hard to explain but I guess whilst I'm walking along, taking photos, I'm thinking everything through and sometimes managing to sort of all this mess of jumbled shit thats in my head and make sense of it all.
I did that twice today, just went out and took photos in Newcastle and around where I live. I'm incredibly grateful my lungs still allow me to do this. I mean, yeah, I get exhausted, I have to repeatedly stop or sit down and catch my breath. But I keep going.
I think I'm just in one of those 'I could really do with a hug right now' moods. Unfortunately I don't see many of my hug-able people these days b/c of my retarded living position of ages away compared to the rest of them.
You'd think writing it all this down would help. I have no idea if it does. I DO write it all down (just not necessarily on le blog for all the world to potentially see) but I'm not sure if it's helping. I guess it does, on a scale, to see all your rambles in words rather than jumbled thoughts. But it doesn't solve it does it?
If you want to fix the possible stuff, you have to get the guts to actually do what you can. Cf jokes aside, I have no guts at all b/c I'm an incredible wimp. A tonne of times, opportunity presents itself and I'll back out b/c I'm too shy or whatever. That's probably the hearing thing getting a kick into things there. But whatever. I try my hardest to not regret stuff. Mainly, I don't regret stuff that I've done, I don't spend forever thinking 'I wish I'd not done that, and I'd done something else instead'. I do regret not doing stuff. B/c you have to take the chances rather than just spend forever thinking of what could've, or would've happened.
Ok brightness... it rained yesterday. And I just went outside and jumped around like a total idiot. And loved it. I sat in my mum's car and listened to the rain for the first time in about 8 years which is pretty epic. I still can't get over this. I'm used to it now, like my incredibly loud typing, and having to have the TV down to whats apparently a really quiet volume but is still quite loud to me (and I can hear things like the 'guess the song' bit on 'Never mind the buzzcocks' which I've not been able to hear before). Oh and I can creep around and be all stealthy now. I never realised how much of a racket I made when I go upstairs (usually about midnight -1am ish). My dad said that maybe I'd be able to hear myself when I first got the new HAs. And I can. The stairs bloody creak loudly. And I bash and crash into things like nobodies business. Not to mention the whole load of noise I make sorting out my nebs.
Still cool though. And it won't be getting old in a hurry.
[Basically one of the first photos my Dad has managed to take on my camera. Mainly b/c I'm so possessive of the thing that it's rarely out of my hands. And yeah I've had it for about 10 months now]