I wish there was a way that I could make you feel how I feel about this. You have no idea what it’s like to be terrified of falling for someone and them falling for you because if it happens they will watch you die! I don’t want to be responsible for causing that kind of pain. Sometimes I think it would be better if I’m single forever. At the same time I’m still human and I want someone to love me. I want someone to love back. CF has taken so much from me; the only career I ever wanted, kids, friends, my independence. Every time it makes someone I care about run from me I just want to crawl in a hole and never come out. It just isn’t fair that it should take away the one thing that would make me the most happy.
I don’t wonder if things would be different if I didn’t have CF, there’s no point. I have it and nothing will change that. I think that you’re too analytical when it comes to matters of the heart. Love isn’t an equation to be solved. It isn’t logical, it makes no sense, it’s hard, often painful. I don’t want to feel this way about you. I don’t want or need a boyfriend who can’t handle the reality of my health. But I can’t help it, just like you can’t help how you do or don’t feel about me. I don’t expect this letter to change your mind about it.
Thank you for being honest with me when I asked you to tell me why I’m not right for you. Knowing the real reasons will help me get past this faster. I’m not going to rush into another relationship to try and get over you.
I do still want to be your friend, but it will take time for this wound to heal. I’ve learned a lot from you, because of you I’ve made tons of new friends. I’m scared that if you and I aren’t friends anymore they won’t want anything to do with me. Despite what I said at the beginning of this rant you have a lot of qualities that I do want in a man and having you in my life has made me more aware of those things.