Tonight, I am skipping dinner.
I am feeling totally “off” today. It may have something to do with the fact that Teagan had been miserable for 7 full days straight come tomorrow morning.
Her cold seems much better but she isn’t snapping out of it. Her canker sore doesn’t seem to be the cause of this irritability either. I can tell you one thing though, I’ve been as nurturing as I can possibly be but I am SO done with all the screaming and crying, and boogers that I fight to wipe, and raw skin below the nose that I fight to put ointment on…just done.
So tonight I’m skipping dinner and instead I’m alone in my bedroom. It is such a wonderful feeling, even though I can still hear the muffled commotion down below. This is the most peaceful I’ve felt in a VERY long time.
I occasionally experience these off days, but not normally off weeks. Phew I need a break, desperately.
I have 2 client galleries to publish and with struggling to finish one photo a day, it is going to take an unacceptably long time. I promise 2-3 weeks and I stick to my word. I only wish I could afford day care, care longer than preschool hours even if only 2 days a week. I think we are just over the income eligibility guidelines to receive child care assistance…rambling…not what I want this post to be about.
My mind is thinking a little too much recently and I need to calm it down. I need to enjoy the moment a little more and stop worrying. Sometimes I lay in bed with Nathan at his request as he falls asleep at night and I can’t help but be scared. To watch him so still and in the darkness listen to his breathing, how it is a little different from normal breathing, taking a snapshot of him so happy and healthy. I can’t ever bury him, I just can’t, I wouldn’t survive. And how I will never take the chance of having another child live with CF even though I used to want a large family. Sorry, also not what I want this post to be about.
Can you do me a quick favor? Please say a prayer that I can find some quiet time, some peace and refuge from my hectic daily life as caregiver and work at home mother, and from my mind in general. Also that Teagan recovers from this virus, sooner rather than later.
Publishing without proofreading, it may not make sense but if I proofread I will probably delete entire post because it contains feelings that nobody wants to read.
Tonight, I am skipping dinner.
I am feeling totally “off” today. It may have something to do with the fact that Teagan had been miserable for 7 full days straight come tomorrow morning.
Her cold seems much better but she isn’t snapping out of it. Her canker sore doesn’t seem to be the cause of this irritability either. I can tell you one thing though, I’ve been as nurturing as I can possibly be but I am SO done with all the screaming and crying, and boogers that I fight to wipe, and raw skin below the nose that I fight to put ointment on…just done.
So tonight I’m skipping dinner and instead I’m alone in my bedroom. It is such a wonderful feeling, even though I can still hear the muffled commotion down below. This is the most peaceful I’ve felt in a VERY long time.
I occasionally experience these off days, but not normally off weeks. Phew I need a break, desperately.
I have 2 client galleries to publish and with struggling to finish one photo a day, it is going to take an unacceptably long time. I promise 2-3 weeks and I stick to my word. I only wish I could afford day care, care longer than preschool hours even if only 2 days a week. I think we are just over the income eligibility guidelines to receive child care assistance…rambling…not what I want this post to be about.
My mind is thinking a little too much recently and I need to calm it down. I need to enjoy the moment a little more and stop worrying. Sometimes I lay in bed with Nathan at his request as he falls asleep at night and I can’t help but be scared. To watch him so still and in the darkness listen to his breathing, how it is a little different from normal breathing, taking a snapshot of him so happy and healthy. I can’t ever bury him, I just can’t, I wouldn’t survive. And how I will never take the chance of having another child live with CF even though I used to want a large family. Sorry, also not what I want this post to be about.
Can you do me a quick favor? Please say a prayer that I can find some quiet time, some peace and refuge from my hectic daily life as caregiver and work at home mother, and from my mind in general. Also that Teagan recovers from this virus, sooner rather than later.
Publishing without proofreading, it may not make sense but if I proofread I will probably delete entire post because it contains feelings that nobody wants to read.