Last week I attended a book signing of Jill Zarin's book, written with her mother and sister, A Jewish Mother: Are you one? . . . or . . . Go Get One! . . . You Might Be a Jewish Mother If . . . I'm having trouble remembering the title exactly, I don't know why*.
*not wanting to promote something so random, cliche and unworthy of CG promotional consideration.
Did I warn you? This post has nothing to do with CF or lung transplant.
Okay. So, the book signing was like 10 minutes of Jill, Gloria and the sister reading short 30 second parts of their book that were the cheeziest, cliche-iest, stupid drivel of ever. Well, one time Gloria said something interesting. The rest of it - not interesting. Following this reading, Jill opened the floor to questions. This is when I learned a few things, that I will tell in a Top Ten List, my favorite CG format.
Top Facts Learned by Attending the Jill Zarin Brookline Booksmith Book Signing
1. Famous people are really weird. Semi-famous people like Jill, her mother and her sister, are double weird if they seem to think they are super famous people.
2. People who come to see semi-famous people can often be much weirder than the semi-famous people themselves. The q/a segment quickly devolved into a weird group therapy session, where people asked Jill... Jill f-ing Zarin and her mother, and the sister, for advice on their most personal issues, including interfaith marriage (which Jill is against, see below), finding a man, losing a mother, mending relationships with a father, learning to love a mother in law, dating a mama's boy, and etc. Women would raise their hand, and instead of asking the catty gossipy questions I was hoping for, they would launch into something that should clearly be discussed with a licensed, non-bitch, health care provider.**
3. Jill wears crazy magic hair extensions that are mucho obviousemente.
4. Gloria is. not. all. there. But she was the only one that should be handing out any sort of advice, because she is an elder and we should respect them. Oh wait, how do you make that strike-through cross-out thing through text?
5. The sister who is usually quite unmemorable (hence my inability to list her name) seems kind but what is up with the Penny Marshall 1978 haircut? Sclemeel, schlemazel, get this woman an updated 'do.
6. All three of them have the worst voices and accents-- it is ridiculous, and they shout over each other constantly. The reading was in the basement of a small independent bookstore that I love, that is the size of a small urban grocery. They used three microphones and screamed into them. It was like they were doing a Saturday Night Live skit about themselves, only also starring themselves. I was literally holding my ears closed at one point when they were going back and forth, "Jill, Jill, Jill" "But mommy" "[sister, sister, sister, mommy is talking.]" - They always referred to their parents as Mommy and Daddy, which as women in their 50s, was sort of, as Kelly would say, CREEPY.
7. The Gloria-and-Daddy family was raised in a Norman Rockwell painting. They read the introduction to their book, and based on their ages, and knowing they grew up on Long Island, it was weird that their intro read more like they were born in the 1920's in Kansas. It was so cliche about Americana and riding their bikes and Daddy-this and Mommy-that, and ho hum how America has changed. Blech (sound effect of vomiting). Get a new idea before you write a book. And check your birth cert. Times were not that much simpler, as you are not THAT old.
8. Jill is just as much of a mean shit-talker in person as she is/was on the show. She talked about Kelly, Alex and Andy Cohen which I will elaborate on below. ***
9. Husband Baaahhhhhbby is much more attractive and dapper in person. But he does wear a pin striped suit and those mafioso drug lord tinted glasses, apparently, all the time.
10. There is a hot nephew named Jonathan who is unemployed. He smiled at me and said hi as we were exiting. I think it might go somewhere. Just kidding.
Ok- now for the dirt:
** One of the weirdo life-altering-advice-seekers asked what she should do since she was a non-Jew dating a Jew and what did mighty Jill think of that? In the same sing-songy-ick voice as, "Mommy isn't haaaaaaaaappy," they each voiced up, "We don't liiiiiike iiiiit," and they explained how they believe that the children are left without a religion at all, and that (in their belief) interfaith marriages don't last. This girl nodded like she was really going to take their advice and dump her Jewish boyfriend. Crizzazzzy. Just to be clear- this is Jill's take, NOT MINE.
***Shit-talking: Here are my twits and their explanations below each in italics.
TWIT ONE:(I'm @CysticGal btw)
· @ GraceCharles She was like, "Well, Andy Cohen and I are not getting along, my mother is still upset, he thought it was okay to play this..."
· @ GraceCharles yes, she said that Gloria (who was there) was very upset, and it was in response to "Have you ever had trouble with Anti s?"
- Andy Cohen is anti-semitic by playing the game "Good for the Jew, Bad for the Jews," even though he's Jewish and it was funny. 11:47 PM Jun 5th via web
At the event, one of the crayzo advice-seekers stood up and asked if the women had ever experienced anti-Semitism because of the show. Jill piped up right away, saying something like, "Well, yes, I mean, in strange ways, - my Mommy is still very upset." (Gloria remarks, "I'm not haaaaaappppy"), Andy Cohen decides, while we're on his show, to play his little game, some of you saw it, "Good for the Jews, Bad for the Jews"- I mean, I can't believe it. He thinks its okay because he's Jewish, and it's not. It's antisemitism. He thinks its okay because the next week he played "Good for the Gays, Bad for the Gays,"and he's gay, but it's not the same, and its not okay and Mommy is still very upset," (sister remarks, "Mommy is very upset!" Gloria remarks, "Mommy isn't haaaaaappppy")
"&they kept kelly on show 'cuz jill befriended her. jill said all this at the reading- so it's not trash talk- if it is, she is the talker!
At the event, someone asked about the confusion of the # of new housewives- adding Jen Gilbert or not. Jill answered that Jen never posed with an apple for the promos, and was never really a housewife. Jill said that each year, from year to year, they re-evaluate based on who is getting the most ratings for the show (I don't know how they could split that, personally, but whatever, maybe she just meant, attention and reaction in general, and not actual ratings.) She said, basically, "For example, they weren't sure they were going to keep Kelly. But I really took her under my wing. Bravo didn't know I was going to take to her, but I did. And so we filmed together and look, they're keeping her!" - I thought this was weird to say because it takes credit for Kelly's place on the show though Kelly, though a nutbag, is/was/will be more famous than Jill, and certainly can deal with her own media contracting and doesn't need to be under anyone's wing, let alone Jill's.
· Alex McCord attacked her just to pick a fight and stay on the show, because she "couldn't attack the pregnant girl," 11:48 PM Jun 5th via web
This was a continuation of the convo about who stays and who goes regarding casting the show, which if you attended this event, you would think Jill was in charge of. Jill said that Alex was nearly cut from the show because "nobody liked her," and that Alex purposely picked a fight with Jill. I specifically remember that Jill said, "That's why she picked a fight with me, she wanted the drama and time on camera and what- she couldn't pick a fight with the pregnant girl, so she made friends with her, and fought with me!" - One word reaction: What-ever. Jill is demented because a) people really like Alex b) Alex and Bethenny were already nicey nicey pals by the end of last season, despite the brief communication breakdown regarding the logo. The seemed to always actually enjoy each other and speak candidly to each other. c) Alex didn't pick a fight with Jill. Alex was just participating in the b.s. that Jill created for all of the women. d) Whatever, Jill sucks.
That, my new #rhonyc friends, is the whole story. Thanks so much for reading my post. Please comment! And, consider reading my blog regularly, and follow my journey as I prepare for double lung transplant surgery for cystic fibrosis. You can support the blog by seeing the bottom of the web page, and I also have cute and nifty t-shirts !