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Past the Point of No Return!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted Dec 14 2011 2:20pm
I'm BACK!!!
So sorry for such a long gap in blogging, to be honest it has been a very confusing, emotional, exceptional, amazing, frustrating and just a completely overwealming time. There were times when I really doubted we would ever get past the point of no return but thank god that we finally did. I have been home for about two weeks now after 7 weeks in hospital but am stil very much recovering and building up my strength slowly. Its fantastic to be back home in my own bed (I'm still back to clinics twice a week) and I feel very numb almost to everything that has happened as there has journey has been so incredible but also tremendously hard and it still feels very surreal and unbelieveable. I think that in order to get through these last few months; feeling so ill, facing end of life care, finally getting my transplant in time, and the huge rollercoster that entails especially the lines, drains etc which I was so terrified of, I've had to shut down and block everything out in order to keep myself sane and get myself through it all. Now I've come out the other side I feel as though I've not really taken it all in.

I will of course be updating with details about my transplant journey and tell you (from what I can piece together) whats been going on during the last 2 months, but it won't be until after Christmas now as I'm concentrating on keeping as well as possible and enjoying some festive cheer with my family and friends. Its lovely to be a bit more involved again this year. I am already able to do so much more than I could 2 months ago, its been a slow build and sometimes its only after I've done something that I will realise that there is no way I could have done it pre transplant. I can walk indoors, do my stairs, I have no oxygen or ventilators, I'm still using my wheelchair for very long walks so I dont get too tired but that too will be gone soon. Its amazing and again a bit surreal. Very hard to trust these new lungs and believe they wont let me down. This is also just the beginning I can expect to get better and better over the next few months as my strength gets built up again.

I can't post without paying due respect to my absolutely incredible donor and their courageous family without them this would without doubt have been my last Christmas. I can't take in that I have a potential future opening up before me and that my life is changing in a huge transformative way because of this one amazing, loving individual. They will never ever be far from my thoughts and especially on their family's first Christmas without them, I will remeber them and be thankful with every breath.

I must also say that I could not have had a better team loooking after me than at those at HArefield, everyone from surgeons to nurses to support staff to kitchen staff were all so friendly, kind caring and happy to help. I couldn't have got through without them and they have gone above and beyond to make my stay as easy as possible. They truly are angels and I am forever thankful to them too.

Thank you to all my blog readers and supporters you have been fantastic in offering me and my family so much support and love. Jess has been such a fabulous friend (nothing new there) in keeping you all updated, I'm really grateful to all of you. Thank you so much you will never know how much it meant to read your messages on the hardest of days during recovery.

I wish you all the happiest Christmas ever and the best 2012 possible. I'll be back soon to tell you all about this whirlwind of a ride!!!

In the meantime I'll leave you with 2 articles from the local paper (they are old photo's) and a link to my brilliant local radio station who have broadcast regular updates on how I was doing and this week dedicated a whole program to me!

Romford Recorder:

2nd Romford Recorder:

Me and mum interviewed on BBC Essex:
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