I guess I should start this out by saying I've never really been one for New Year's resolutions. I'm a long-term goals kind of girl: my "resolutions" tend to be less about what I plan to do this year than about ways I'd like to help myself grow as a person, which means they also tend to be kind of vague because I have to sort of figure them out as I go along. Instead of "I plan to exercise more," I have a tendency to veer more into the realm of "I want to live my life as healthily as possible" -- which can mean more exercise as well as more rest, eating healthier as well as getting more calories, doing more treatments as well as taking more time to nourish my spirit and remembering that nights out with friends are important too. It's not that I don't support more concrete resolutions ("2010 is going to be the year I finish War and Peace," for example, or better yet "the year I write my own novel"), it's just that my mind really likes to view the forest, and leave myself a little leeway to discover the trees as I go.
That said, it's hard not to begin this new year -- ahem, new decade, excuse me -- without some serious personal reflection. There is no doubt whatsoever in my mind that this year is going to bring with it amazing changes for my life, though at this point I can only begin to imagine the extent to which these changes will impact my person, my body, and my spirit. Peering into any new year is like staring down into the water and wondering what's below; for me, this year, I look down and wonder if even my reflection will have changed by the start of 2011. I am excited and impatient, scared and hesitant, and above all, I am curious.
So given the overwhelming number of "big" changes that I think (believe, hope, pray, understand) will come for me this year, I've decided to mix things up a bit and focus on some smaller goals for myself. (And to be totally, completely, 100% honest, I actually started this list a while back, when I was given the wise advice my a beautiful post-tx cyster to start planning and visualizing all the amazing things I wanted to do with new lungs.) Without further ado, here are just a few of my 2010 "New Lungs' Resolutions":
Go running in Central Park
Buy a beautiful dress, go dancing, and stay out on the floor as long as I want (partner optional -- haha)
Spend a day volunteering for a cause that is not at all CF related
Play with my puppy more (I mean really, really play)
Sketch in a museum
Continue to journal/write/paint/express myself
Take a tai chi class
Continue to meditate
Dance in the rain -- literally
Watch a sunset and a sunrise (need not be the same day)
Find a way to do something to say thank you to my family for everything they've done for me this year
Be grateful. Be patient. Be humble.
Practice compassion for myself and others at every chance possible (okay, so maybe I'm aiming a little big with this one, but I promise myself I'll try)
There are other things -- many, many other things -- that I plan to do with my new lungs, of course. Some of them I know I won't be able to complete in a year, if for no other reason than there are just too many things I want to do, and also because some involve traveling that just won't be possible right off the bat with transplant. But thankfully I have plans to be around for more than just the next 365 days, and if each day just brings me closer to any one of my goals then I'll know it's a success. And you know, if some (or even all) of these things don't work out, well, then I at least resolve to try and keep learning, keep growing, and keep trying to push myself to be as strong and as loving and as much of a light as I can possibly be . . . I might not ever be worthy of the Peace Prize, but hopefully I can at least make a few people smile.
And that's not too much to hope for, right?
Happy 2010, beautiful people. I hope your year, and your decade, is filled with health, love, and blessings beyond even your wildest dreams.