I was talking to a friend about this. I said it scares me, the whole possibility that you could die young, before you've even done something. I think that's my biggest fear - to have basically every trace of your life disappear and drift away b/c you did nothing worth remembering. He said not to spend your life wishing for something, hoping for the perfect life, b/c you might actually already have it. Or at least the makings of it.
It made me realise something though. That I shouldn't spend my life, however teenagery I may act sometimes, obsessing over the pointless things, hoping for things that you know might well never happen. Besides, if you stop hoping for the seemingly impossible, maybe one day it will happen and it'll take you by surprise. Rather than hoping for something for so long, b/c you never know if the real thing won't actually meet your true expectations.
Obviously I'm not gonna elaborate. I like to keep you guessing. And besides, it's not one of those things I talk about much, to anyone, yet alone share it out to the blogosphere. Hell, I think there's just one person who will know what I'm talking about. But the gist is, at least for me (Yes, I'm being vague and pretty much typing out loud, but it's my blog, and I'm doing this for my sakes, so *sticks tongue out*) it's not necessarily about giving up or getting over whatever. Maybe it's just about putting it to the back of your mind so it doesn't occupy so many thoughts. Which I'll admit, sounds so easy but so impossible at the same time.
The thing that I hate, is that it took the death of a CF friend for this conversation to come about, for these realisations to fucking hit me in the face hard enough so I'd take notice of them. For all I know, they've been said to me a million times but I've not paid attention.
RIP Mikey. I'll miss you, our random chats on fb chat, especially about photography, how excited you were about the camera you bought. You took some good shots. Breathe easy xx