This is the longest I've gone in between blogs! Ack!
I just feel brain dead, I'm sorry.
I've been fighting some silly cold which makes me sleepy which makes me groggy which makes me fuzzy which makes me feel too stupid to blog!!
Here's what I've been thinking about:
the abstract nature of illness and dying.
I signed up for a grant next year--yay!!!! But when it was time to talk about the particulars--what the year would look like--I felt GULP! A year? Can I commit to a year? Is that okay?
Most of the time, I go through life with a distance from death. Knowing it's coming but happy to think about it when it comes a'knockin' again...not now, thanks.
But, here I am talking about a year into the future! Yeesh. That seems like forever in transplant years. Then I get paranoid. If I think like this am I inviting another illness?
I still feel, even after all I've done in 2007, like I am standing on the edge of my life. Ready to jump off and fly but waiting for someone to stop me and say "Are you kidding? You can't do that! You're dying again..didn't you know?"
Okay. This must be why I haven't written in awhile. A lot going on inside that I haven't processed yet.
The new year has always been a big catalyst for me to think about where I am and where I'm going. It seems the new year thoughts have come before Christmas this year.