Ha ha. I could have done with his help from time to time...
Every time I eat I weigh up potential toilet consequences. Every time I eat I subconsciously note the time, so that later I can contemplate how long it has taken for foodstuff to conclude its journey. I have even included certain things in my diet so that I can recognise them when they come out (sweetcorn anyone?). Yep, every day i check my poo. So, after 5 years I have built a pretty good list of colon friends and foe.
Goodstuff: eggs, bread, rice, potatoes (without skins), salad leaves, grilled chicken, steak (I dont care what the medics say, it works for me), gravy (!), cashew nuts (I've convinced myself these are a miracle cure), most veg if it's boiled and skinned.
Evilstuff: fruit, salsa, blue cheese (I once visited Roquefort and sampled the delights rather too enthusiastically - doh.), granary bread, chile or anything too spicy, tomatoes, ice cream, olives, coffee, and BOOZE!
Those are the main things, and when I think about it: the Devil has all the best food... Except,
I'm not talking vindaloo or phal here, just your ordinary mild to medium curries. Not only do these seem to travel through my tortured insides without causing me to monopolise the bathroom,but they actually constipate me! Which clearly is insane. I have no idea why. I've never bothered to ask the medics. I just thank heaven for small mercies.