I know my first post was fun and sarcastic, but I write this post with a heavy-heart; so I apologize in advance if I kill the mood. This post is not male specific, nor is it IBD specific; but I know it is going to apply to many of you anyways.
Let’s just get to it, shall we?
Suicide. It’s one of those things no one wants to talk about, but everyone seems to know someone who has either thought about it, tried it, or God forbid, succeeded. Last night I watched as someone I love dearly battled with the thoughts of ending her life (not IBD related); and I was hours away and could do nothing about it. I battled whether to call the police, to call her family, or to just try and talk her out of it. I chose the latter, and while I was ultimately successful in talking her down, I’ve sat here all day wondering if I made the right choice; and if ever presented with that again, if I should choose differently.
As people with IBD (or the after effects), I think many of us at one time or another have had those thoughts, whether or not we like to admit it. Why am I battling this? It would be so much easier to give up. I am such a burden to my family and friends. They don’t deserve this. I’m worthless. I’m a waste. I’m messed up. I’ll never be normal. No one will ever love me. This is too hard. It’s not worth the fight anymore. These are all thing I’VE personally thought and felt. And I know others have as well. It’s a natural reaction to everything we go through. All the surgeries, all the medications. All the complications, missed activities, life passing us by.
We come out of surgery thinking our life will be magically changed and we will be completely normal; and to an extent they are instantly improved. But recovery is a LONG and painful process. You will have, good days and bad days, just like when you had the disease. But eventually the good days outweigh the bad days, and life improves. There is no magic surgery. There is no magic drug. There is no magic cure. Surgery is not a cure, you’re simply replacing one major problem with what we hope is a lesser problem. Most of the time it works, sometimes it doesn’t. But we continue to fight on. However…
Suicide is not a solution. It is not a cure. It does not end the pain, it only spreads it to everyone around you.
There is always light at the end of the tunnel. And that’s what we hold onto. So I urge you, if you are battling with these thoughts, talk to someone; a friend, a family member, your nurses and doctors, someone, anyone. If you are seriously motivated, dial 911. If you know someone who is in imminent danger, dial 911 for them. Find a support group. Call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Just please do something.
No one has to fight this battle alone. Things do get better. Scars heal. Life continues. The sun rises, and with it a new opportunity to make life beautiful.
As stated in one of my all-time favorite movies, “The Shawshank Redemption”, “…hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.”
(I would like to add (This is Jackie), that GJP was one of the people who was very supportive of me while I was going through this very struggle. He was understanding, yet forceful in his concerns for me. One of the few people I know in real life who knew what was going on, and actively did something to help me. He was also one of the few people to really take me seriously….in fact threatening a call to the police if I didn’t do XYZ things. A true friend. Many thanks to GJP for this.)