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“I’d Take a Colonoscopy Over That Any Day.”

Posted Mar 13 2012 7:00am

Yes, I actually uttered those words last Thursday, and I meant them. So what medical test could make me feel that way?

An MRI. With barium drink.

Mmmm. Barium.

Frank hated the barium drink. About fifteen minutes in, my intestines were going wild. After drinking two containers of bairum, I put on a hospital gown and shivered. (I was so cold!) Then, I was lucky enough to injest a third container of barium.

When I finally choked down the last of it, I climbed onto the little bed. The nurse put three blankets on me just to get me to stop shaking! Then I got to go into a loud tube. Everyone told me it would be really loud, but nothing prepared me for the crazy volume of this test. Loud banging. Screeching. Galloping noises. I can’t explain how anxious it made me. I had to constantly convince myself not to push the button to end the test. “Just five more minutes, Lauren, you can do it.”

On top of the loud noises making me crazy, I had just had a ton of bairum to drink, so of course my bladder was fuller than full. And my intestines were rocking and rolling, too. There’s no nice way to put this. I spent the entire time concerned I was going to have an accident — one kind or the other — and had to make a mad dash for the bathroom when the test was over.

Oh, and I had to demand use of the staff bathrooms, as both of the patient bathrooms were occupied. The rest of my night was spent curled up in the fetal position or running to the bathroom.

And now? I wait. I wait to find out if Frank is ulcerative colitis or Crohn’s disease or if still more tests are needed. Here’s hoping I get some answers soon.

So tell me. What have you been up to lately? I’m trying to catch up on my Google Reader but WHOA. Or commiserate with me. What was your worst medical experience?

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