I live in an old people’s ghetto, aka supported accommodation (previously sheltered housing), and the one of the dozy old buggers set off the fire alarm this morning, probably by burning the toast, though on one occasion one of them, trying to warm up the teapot, put it on the stove complete with cosy! And she didn’t even have the excuse of dementia – she simply didn’t think. Trouble is, the smoke detectors/fire alarm system are connected directly to the nearby fire station.
As they used to waive the age restriction for disabled people (something that’s now ended, I believe), I’ve been here since I was 51. In the 15 years I’ve been here, the fire alarm has been set off two or three times a year at least, often more. One Christmas the fire brigade was here three times!
The smoke detectors in these flats are in the halls. If the source of the smoke is burnt toast, or a microwave cock-up – setting it to 255 minutes to heat a ready meal, instead of 25, is apparently quite popular** – all that needs to be done is close the kitchen door (maybe living room door too), and open the kitchen window. Turn off the microwave, if that’s the problem, but don’t open it as that’ll release more smoke. No drama and, more importantly, no fire brigade turnout. Because one day, while they’re arsing about here for no good reason, someone is going to die somewhere else because of the delay in sending appliances from another district.
**Look, if you have an intention tremor, as I do, be aware that button-pushing can be inaccurate and check before hitting the go button, whether it’s the microwave in the kitchen of the card machine at Sainsbury’s (especially if you’re in front of me!). In my case, my biggest pain in the neck is extraneous clicks on my computer’s trackball.
In 1996 when I first came here, they’d send 3 or 4 appliances and an ambulance. Over the years that’s diminished to what seems to be the minimum, 2 appliances (me, I’d send some guy on a bike!). It used to take 4-5 minutes for them to arrive (the fire station is just down the road). Today, it took 15 minutes – and they were gone again in 4.
Another problem is that a fire alarm, false or otherwise, automatically switches off the gas supply in the building which, unless one of these dozy old buggers knows how to reset the boilers, means no hot water until Monday. I’ve suggested, until I’m blue in the face, that 2 or 3 people should be designated, and shown how, to re-light the boilers (having it do so automatically is too much to hope for), but “Oh no – we can’t do that, it’s an insurance problem, or it’s too difficult.” And yes, I volunteered. In the past – can’t bend down now (or if I do, can’t get up again).
What’s worse, 28 flats with no hot water, meaning doddery, infirm (and in my case profoundly weak), old codgers are going to be carrying pans and kettles of hot water to the bathroom, or to the kitchen sink, or someone not insured to strike a match relighting a boiler? Press a button, put a match to the pilot light – how hard can it be? Better yet, install a semi-automatic system, which will just need a button press to fire it up, especially as these schemes no longer have live-in wardens – or scheme managers as we now have to call them!
The fire brigade, quite understandably, have stopped taking us seriously, and that, if we ever have a genuine fire, is likely to put us all in danger, which is why false alarms are totally unacceptable.
And apart from kitchen accidents, we have alarms caused by sheer stupidity, like the guy who sprayed air freshener in the hallway, setting off the smoke alarm on the ceiling, or smokers who are too stupid not to do so near the smoke detector – er, hello, smoke detector, it’s a clue! Just occasionally insects will get into the detectors in the loft space, with the inevitable results. Aside from the question of why they installed smoke detectors in a space where nobody goes, why didn’t they install insect-proof versions? They’re available. Lofts the world over get buggy and spidery – why the assumption that ours would be any different?
I’ve had my share of smoky kitchen events – ME/CFS, at its worst, makes one incredibly forgetful. I did the microwave trick with a pork pie, setting it for 30 minutes instead of 30 seconds, reducing it to a lump of glowing carbon and generating clouds of smoke. No problem. Closed the living room and kitchen doors, opened the kitchen window, set a fan on the draining board, and in ten minutes all was well (well, sort of – the last thing my lungs need is smoke of any kind). My favourite trick, though, used to be putting a frying pan back on the stove, without turning the heat off! Lots of smoke and drama, flames on one occasion, but still, no false alarm.
All the internal doors here are fitted with closers which only have one mode – Bang! – so most of us disconnect them. Trouble is, most of us also forget to close them again in the event of a kitchen cock-up! How bloody hard is it, FFS?
Personally, I think there should be a fine for causing a false alarm. There are a lot of supported housing schemes in this area, and across the country as a whole, and I see no reason to suppose that their record is any better than ours, which is a massive waste of resources. Fines would go some way to redressing that, and focusing dozy sods on not causing a false alarm.
The fire service could help, too, by setting up a fast response team – two guys and a van, with extinguishers, ventilation fans, etc, for responding to calls from supported schemes which, based on my long experience, are pretty much always going to be false alarms, or something dumb and easily contained, like blazing tea-cosies! Should they find a genuine fire, they can all out the full-blown service in seconds. Yes, there’ll be a slight delay, but not much as the crews could get ready while the fast response team is in transit. Much easier, and cheaper, to stand down crews who haven’t left the station than to send a whole bunch of appliances for no good reason.
The problem needs to be tackled at source. The entire population of the building – not me, obviously, cos I’m a smart-arse! 
– needs to be assembled in the lounge and have it explained to them, in no uncertain terms, that the only appropriate response to a kitchen “incident” is to first close the internal doors and then open the kitchen window, having put out any flames using the fire blanket provided in all kitchens (because we don’t want anyone throwing water on oil fires, to we?). If you have an electric fan you can put in the kitchen, pointed at the window, all the better (this, after all, is what the fire brigade does, when they need to do anything at all).
I’d go a step further, and this is particularly important in a building where many of the residents, through no fault of their own, are losing their faculties to a greater or lesser degree, and ban chip-pans. Electric deep-fryers are cheap enough and very much safer. My faculties are fine, but I do have ME/CFS, as I’ve said, and it occasionally makes me forgetful. Leaving the electric fryer on, as I did a few days ago, causes no problems beyond wasting electricity. Leaving a chip-pan on the heat is potentially far more dangerous though, when I had a chip-pan (up to about 5 years ago), I had no problems with it, quite possibly because I was aware of the danger of close-to-flashpoint oil, and paid closer attention. Just one gripe, my electric fryer says I mustn’t use dripping, which is a crime against chips!
Whatever happens, people in supported accommodation have got to get their act together and stop creating false fire alarms because, one day it’ll be for real, but the fire brigade won’t rush – understandably, as they must be seriously pissed off by now – and somebody will die. It might just be you.
I live in an old people’s ghetto, aka supported accommodation (previously sheltered housing), and the one of the dozy old buggers set off the fire alarm this morning, probably by burning the toast, though on one occasion one of them, trying to warm up the teapot, put it on the stove complete with cosy! And she didn’t even have the excuse of dementia – she simply didn’t think. Trouble is, the smoke detectors/fire alarm system are connected directly to the nearby fire station.
As they used to waive the age restriction for disabled people (something that’s now ended, I believe), I’ve been here since I was 51. In the 15 years I’ve been here, the fire alarm has been set off two or three times a year at least, often more. One Christmas the fire brigade was here three times!
The smoke detectors in these flats are in the halls. If the source of the smoke is burnt toast, or a microwave cock-up – setting it to 255 minutes to heat a ready meal, instead of 25, is apparently quite popular** – all that needs to be done is close the kitchen door (maybe living room door too), and open the kitchen window. Turn off the microwave, if that’s the problem, but don’t open it as that’ll release more smoke. No drama and, more importantly, no fire brigade turnout. Because one day, while they’re arsing about here for no good reason, someone is going to die somewhere else because of the delay in sending appliances from another district.
**Look, if you have an intention tremor, as I do, be aware that button-pushing can be inaccurate and check before hitting the go button, whether it’s the microwave in the kitchen of the card machine at Sainsbury’s (especially if you’re in front of me!). In my case, my biggest pain in the neck is extraneous clicks on my computer’s trackball.
In 1996 when I first came here, they’d send 3 or 4 appliances and an ambulance. Over the years that’s diminished to what seems to be the minimum, 2 appliances (me, I’d send some guy on a bike!). It used to take 4-5 minutes for them to arrive (the fire station is just down the road). Today, it took 15 minutes – and they were gone again in 4.
Another problem is that a fire alarm, false or otherwise, automatically switches off the gas supply in the building which, unless one of these dozy old buggers knows how to reset the boilers, means no hot water until Monday. I’ve suggested, until I’m blue in the face, that 2 or 3 people should be designated, and shown how, to re-light the boilers (having it do so automatically is too much to hope for), but “Oh no – we can’t do that, it’s an insurance problem, or it’s too difficult.” And yes, I volunteered. In the past – can’t bend down now (or if I do, can’t get up again).
What’s worse, 28 flats with no hot water, meaning doddery, infirm (and in my case profoundly weak), old codgers are going to be carrying pans and kettles of hot water to the bathroom, or to the kitchen sink, or someone not insured to strike a match relighting a boiler? Press a button, put a match to the pilot light – how hard can it be? Better yet, install a semi-automatic system, which will just need a button press to fire it up, especially as these schemes no longer have live-in wardens – or scheme managers as we now have to call them!
The fire brigade, quite understandably, have stopped taking us seriously, and that, if we ever have a genuine fire, is likely to put us all in danger, which is why false alarms are totally unacceptable.
And apart from kitchen accidents, we have alarms caused by sheer stupidity, like the guy who sprayed air freshener in the hallway, setting off the smoke alarm on the ceiling, or smokers who are too stupid not to do so near the smoke detector – er, hello, smoke detector, it’s a clue! Just occasionally insects will get into the detectors in the loft space, with the inevitable results. Aside from the question of why they installed smoke detectors in a space where nobody goes, why didn’t they install insect-proof versions? They’re available. Lofts the world over get buggy and spidery – why the assumption that ours would be any different?
I’ve had my share of smoky kitchen events – ME/CFS, at its worst, makes one incredibly forgetful. I did the microwave trick with a pork pie, setting it for 30 minutes instead of 30 seconds, reducing it to a lump of glowing carbon and generating clouds of smoke. No problem. Closed the living room and kitchen doors, opened the kitchen window, set a fan on the draining board, and in ten minutes all was well (well, sort of – the last thing my lungs need is smoke of any kind). My favourite trick, though, used to be putting a frying pan back on the stove, without turning the heat off! Lots of smoke and drama, flames on one occasion, but still, no false alarm.
All the internal doors here are fitted with closers which only have one mode – Bang! – so most of us disconnect them. Trouble is, most of us also forget to close them again in the event of a kitchen cock-up! How bloody hard is it, FFS?
Personally, I think there should be a fine for causing a false alarm. There are a lot of supported housing schemes in this area, and across the country as a whole, and I see no reason to suppose that their record is any better than ours, which is a massive waste of resources. Fines would go some way to redressing that, and focusing dozy sods on not causing a false alarm.
The fire service could help, too, by setting up a fast response team – two guys and a van, with extinguishers, ventilation fans, etc, for responding to calls from supported schemes which, based on my long experience, are pretty much always going to be false alarms, or something dumb and easily contained, like blazing tea-cosies! Should they find a genuine fire, they can all out the full-blown service in seconds. Yes, there’ll be a slight delay, but not much as the crews could get ready while the fast response team is in transit. Much easier, and cheaper, to stand down crews who haven’t left the station than to send a whole bunch of appliances for no good reason.
The problem needs to be tackled at source. The entire population of the building – not me, obviously, cos I’m a smart-arse!
– needs to be assembled in the lounge and have it explained to them, in no uncertain terms, that the only appropriate response to a kitchen “incident” is to first close the internal doors and then open the kitchen window, having put out any flames using the fire blanket provided in all kitchens (because we don’t want anyone throwing water on oil fires, to we?). If you have an electric fan you can put in the kitchen, pointed at the window, all the better (this, after all, is what the fire brigade does, when they need to do anything at all).
I’d go a step further, and this is particularly important in a building where many of the residents, through no fault of their own, are losing their faculties to a greater or lesser degree, and ban chip-pans. Electric deep-fryers are cheap enough and very much safer. My faculties are fine, but I do have ME/CFS, as I’ve said, and it occasionally makes me forgetful. Leaving the electric fryer on, as I did a few days ago, causes no problems beyond wasting electricity. Leaving a chip-pan on the heat is potentially far more dangerous though, when I had a chip-pan (up to about 5 years ago), I had no problems with it, quite possibly because I was aware of the danger of close-to-flashpoint oil, and paid closer attention. Just one gripe, my electric fryer says I mustn’t use dripping, which is a crime against chips!
Whatever happens, people in supported accommodation have got to get their act together and stop creating false fire alarms because, one day it’ll be for real, but the fire brigade won’t rush – understandably, as they must be seriously pissed off by now – and somebody will die. It might just be you.