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Chronicles of the Heart, Part 20 – confirmation of heart failure (again!)…

Posted Jul 31 2011 6:22am

Yesterday I was devastated by extreme nausea – so extreme that I was, at one point, seriously considering suicide. And if you don’t understand why, then you really haven’t had the misfortune tp explore the extremes of nausea in any meaningful way – it is, without doubt, far more soul-destroying even than pain, something I know from experience.

But why, what brought it on?

Well, yesterday (Saturday), I got up early to go to Sainsbury’s (shopping on a Sunday, when I can get up at a sensible time, is pointless – just too many bare shelves, and shopping online when I want fresh meat and/or veg is an exercise in futility). When I got back, by the time I’d carried my shopping in from the car-park, I was close to collapse and, very quickly, the nausea kicked in,** and stayed with me for the next 10 hours until I finally gave in and, instead of getting out my suicide kit – and oh, dear god, it was so tempting – I decided to try to sleep instead, on the back of a large glass of Jack Daniel’s and ginger wine. Mercifully, it worked.

**I am always ill after carrying my shopping in. Usually it’s extreme breathlessness that fails to respond to my inhalers (so probably a heart, not lung, problem). I really have to find a solution to that.

This morning, feeling rather more human, though still a little pukey, I did a some research, to confirm what I thought I knew, that such intense nausea, following on from strenuous activity, is indicative of heart failure. And it is.

There are many online sources that will verify this, but this one from the Cedars-Sinai Medical Centre is a pretty comprehensive, and unimpeachable, source.

And yet Dr. Abdelmouti at St. Cath’s Hospital is insistent that I do not have heart failure. That’s the reason I asked for a second opinion – if I have the symptoms of heart failure then why try to pass the buck to some as yet unknown and previously unsuspected condition?

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it a fucking DUCK! There is no need to go to extreme lengths, as Abdelmouti would like, to prove it’s a bloody goose. My symptoms are a perfect fit for aortic valve calcification and stenosis, with heart failure, so why this idiot woman refuses to accept this I have no idea.** I do know, though, that she is putting my life at risk.

** I do know that someone has told her that I self-diagnosed heart failure, which is a lie, and that can only have come from my GP.

I have yet, by the way, to send my letter to my GP, as I’ve been deteriorating to such a degree of late that I’ve had to re-write it every couple of days to accommodate fresh symptoms but, all being well (surely nothing else can go wrong!), it’ll go today, and it makes it quite clear that I know about the self-diagnosis crap.


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