Do you ever wonder why you have trouble communicating what you really want to say? Do you ever feel that the the person you're speaking to dominates the conversation?
I'll show you how to understand basic principles of communication and apply a few simple techniques to communicate more effectively in work and business.
Yin and Yang are Necessary but Have no Values
The principle of gender states that all things have masculine and feminine aspects.
The masculine is the outgoing, the instigative force.
The feminine is the incoming, the receptive, the creative force.
These forces are basic, intrinsic to everything from the smallest molecule to the universe itself. These forces, which some call “yin” and “yang,” carry no values; neither one is good or bad, but both are necessary parts of all existence.
Nor do the masculine and feminine forces have anything to do with the male or female sex, although man and woman are manifestations of the law of gender on the physical plane.
Communication is easier to understand when applying this principle.
When you speak with someone, you are, to some degree, in the masculine or outgoing mode, and when you’re listening you are in the receptive, the inflowing, the feminine mode.
To understand, indeed even to hear what the other person is saying, you must be in the receptive/feminine mode.
To have others understand what you are saying you must be in the outgoing/masculine mode. Just as a magnet will attract another magnet when the outgoing/masculine/ positive pole is put together with the receptive/feminine/negative pole, so it is with communication.
If you were to speak from the receptive mode to a listener also in the receptive mode, you would get a repelling force.
"When two people . . . are in the outgoing mode. . . there is no communication and therefore no understanding."
When you put the outgoing with the outgoing, you again have a repelling force.
To get adherence (communication), you must have positive with negative, the receptive with the outgoing.
When two people are attempting to communicate and both are in the outgoing mode, when each has something to say and is eager to say it, there is no communication and therefore no understanding.
When two people are in the receptive mode and they each wish to hear what the other one has to say, then again, there is no communication. For there to be any effective movement of information between two people, the speaker to some degree must be in the outgoing mode, and the listener in the receptive/inflowing.
You will find this principle at work in all forms of endeavor—
painting and all forms of art
business and all professions
To locate this force you only to be aware of its existence.
Popular Leaders Develop a Strong Outgoing Force
Popular leaders have developed a strong outgoing power force when speaking. Immensely masculine, sending out a heroic force, they overcome the masculine energy fields of the crowd and switch them to the receptive.
It’s worth repeating, for emphasis, that this has nothing to do with sex. A woman can project the masculine, or outgoing, force just as easily as a man.
New lines of communication open and great masses of people are swayed by the charisma of the speaker.
Charisma is an extremely strong outgoing force.
As in all things, the degree of the force varies. Two speakers, both essentially the same but one of them in better command of the audience and so displaying a higher degree of the outgoing power, will have different effects on the listeners.
By better command, we mean a strong sense of self-confidence, which in turn usually comes from knowledge of the material, practice, and previous exposure to a similar circumstance with a positive result.
There are also those who have a strong sense of self-confidence for other reasons and whose strong ego manifests as charisma.
Notice how the people you find to be charismatic and influential seem to be in command.
Many of these people can cause you to do something without question, or perhaps to question it but do it anyway.
If they have any degree of control over you, you can bet that they have the outgoing force about them (at least with respect to you).
Edward LaMonica, a recent student at one of our seminars, heard this information and said that he suddenly understood one of his employees who had him totally confused.
The sales manager for a major encyclopedia firm, Edward supervised an incredibly successful salesman by the name of Big John Jones. Big John was six feet seven and weighed 325 pounds, he was a very impressive sight to behold. It seemed that nearly every time he made a call, Big John sold a set of encyclopedias.
Big John was the Best Worst Salesmen I’ve Ever Seen
Big John was so successful that Edward decided to make him head of the outside sales department and train other salespeople. The first day a man went out with Big John he reported to Edward that Big John was a mediocre salesman and that he didn’t want to go out with him again. The man was asked if Big John sold a set of books. “Yes,” he was told, “he sold a set. But I don’t know how he did it. He’s one of the worst salesmen I’ve ever seen.”
Needless to say, Edward did not lend too much credence to that report.
The next day he sent another man out with Big John. The second man gave the same appraisal of Big John’s selling ability. Edward asked if he sold any books. “Yes, he sold a set. But I don’t know how; he gave a lousy presentation.” Mystified now, Edward decided to accompany Big John that evening while he went out on a call, and sure enough he heard his prize salesman deliver a rambling presentation, an inept close, and a sale of a mid-priced bound set of encyclopedias.
How Big John Did It
But Big John was such an overwhelming masculine presence, Edward came to realize, that he was causing his clients to switch to the receptive mode and surrender at the sight of him.
When Big John rang the doorbell, the client would come to the door, take one look at that mass of towering masculine strength on the doorstep, switch to the inflowing feminine mode, and surrender.
With Big John not only physically outgoing but also confident of success, he had only to ask for a signature to make the sale; his presentation was incidental to his close.
Edward said that he actually got a call from a woman one day who asked, “Your man was at my house last night and I bought something. Tell me, what did I buy?”
Have you ever purchased something you did not really want just to get away from a salesperson?
If you did, you can bet that you were in the feminine/receptive mode and the salesperson was in the masculine/outgoing.
There is a way to control this force.
The next time you’re dealing with a salesperson (or for that matter, with any domineering person), recognize the fact that successful salespeople are always in the masculine mode. For you to be in a buying spirit, you must be in a feminine mode.
You can switch yourself to either mode. If you wish to listen to the sales presentation, imagine that you are in the receptive mode, with things coming to you.
Picture the incoming ocean tide, or someone throwing a ball to you, or a car driving along a street toward you, anything that is incoming relative to yourself.
See yourself purchasing the product or service and being happy with it.
The Best Test Taker in the Country
You can see how useful this would be to students listening to an instructor and wanting to retain the information.
A student who is sitting in a classroom and thinking about other things is usually in the outgoing mode, and is getting little from the teacher’s lessons.
To switch to the receptive so as to have a better understanding and superior retention of the material, (and maybe become the best test taker in the country,) the student should consider incoming things.
If you would like to have more control over the outgoing mode and to stop the receptivity, switch to the masculine.
First, visualize a protective shield between yourself and the person you’re dealing with. This shield absorbs all the incoming masculine energy before it can envelop you.
Next, visualize yourself in the outgoing mode. Picture yourself speaking forcefully.
Picture things going away from you; imagine a train, a rocket, a boat, or any other vehicle moving away from you. See yourself in action—perhaps turning your back on the person, or walking away, or closing the door on the man or woman in front of you.
Most physical actions put you in the outgoing mode.
If it is a salesperson whose outgoing mode you’d like to control, remember that you are in charge; you need make no excuses for declining to purchase anything.
Say, “ No, I’ve decided that now is not the time,” or simply, “ No, I do not want it. ”
If the salesperson asks you any question, such as why not, and you answer the question, you will place yourself back in the feminine mode.
You do not have to justify your reasons. You do not have to have any reasons. Your answer to the question should simply be, “I just don’t want it, no reasons. ” It’s as simple as that.
We recognize that sometimes it is difficult to get away from the clutches of a forceful salesperson or an overly aggressive family member, friend, or colleague who is in the masculine mode, especially when you find it difficult to get out of the feminine mode.
Here is an easy technique for you to use.
You have just visualized a force leaving you,
an arrow being shot from a bow
a rocket going away from you
a car racing away
or anything outgoing.
Then you have said to the salesperson, “ I’ve changed my mind, I don’t want it. ”
At this point you will be asked what made you change your mind, or why don’t you want it, or any question to keep you engaged. It doesn’t matter what the salesperson asks; answer any question by responding, “Why do I have to answer that question?”
And you will see someone practically melt before your eyes. To understand your question, the salesperson will have to switch to the feminine/receptive mode.
When that happens, any power he or she had over you has banished. Then you may smile nicely and leave.
All forceful people are outgoing. Who’s the outgoing/masculine force in your life?
Your mother-in-law, spouse, boss, parent, child? Most authority figures are seen as masculine forces, and we tend to switch to the receptive when in their presence. Use your knowledge of the forces of gender to control the masculine and feminine modes within yourself and to understand and enhance your communication with others.