on depression, anger and anxiety
Here is a helpful article by Jayne Morgan-Kidd that emphasizes three important ideas:
(1) the use of persistence when a client is ready to give up,
(2) useful Setup Statements for important issues and
(3) doing EFT by email (Jayne gives us the actual correspondence).
I did some phone sessions with Laura (not her real name) who was suffering with depression, anger and anxiety. As we explored her family history, it seemed apparent that the emotional roots of her symptoms were related to her childhood experiences in a family with parents who had many unresolved emotional disturbances.
Laura’s siblings have very different perceptions of the world than Laura and she has felt abandoned by everyone in her family. In her words, “I’m the stupid one, a loser, defective, afraid that no one accepts me, the carrier of everyone’s pain”. As we talked about her childhood and particularly her relationship with one of her parents, she recalled two incidents which were traumatic for her. One had to do with the death of a pet and the other was an incident involving an accident in the home. We did several rounds of tapping on these two incidents and Laura seemed to be feeling better as a result.
In our second session, among other things, I asked her to image herself as a child in hopes of getting her to connect more compassionately with her inner self. After this short imagery exercise, we did several rounds of tapping for ‘that little girl’ and the various feelings and struggles that she remembered. During each session we both felt that she had made some progress with her feelings, but nothing ‘held’ (as you will see).
We continued working on her issues through email. Our correspondence follows:
On February 14, Laura wrote:
I did feel some relief after our phone session on Wednesday.It has vanished today.I understand that I am suffering from a sense of terminal uniqueness (a 12-Step expression). I am experiencing a roller coaster existence these days. Just as I felt left out from all the recovery of the 12-step groups, today I am feeling left out of all the miracles of tapping.I vacillate from hope to despair within hours. I am on an antidepressant. I don't think it is working. I read Palace of Possibilities. I understand it. I wrote affirmations. I say them. The tail-enders are IN BOLD WRITING ON MY WALLS - AND COME IN DROVES.
In our last phone session we had discussed me taking care of the child within me. I find that to be a hollow promise. I have not taken good care of her at all up until now. On the contrary - I have abused her. Anyway, I’ve been tapping on the following:(The following are phrases that Laura developed.)
Even though I find the idea that I can be a consistently loving person ludicrous, I am willing and able to take good care of myself.
Even though I have trusted up until now that I deserved to verbally abuse myself, I choose to love and accept myself.
Even though I don't trust myself to be able to change, I choose to love and accept myself.
Even though I have been stupid about many things, I choose to love and accept myself.
Even though I have made thousands of bad decisions based on senseless fear, I totally love and accept myself.
Even though I have been enraged with myself 100s of times over the years up until this point, I totally love and accept myself.
Even though I have pretty much decided a 1000 times I deserved to feel total and utter humiliation, I choose to love and accept myself.
Even though I have forced myself to live in a state of shame and terror much of the time over the years, I totally love and accept myself.
Even though I don't think I can do this good enough, I totally love and accept myself.
It all feels hollow. Because of the tail-enders. I have a million of them. I can't keep up with them all. Not really.Yesterday I was fine!!! Today I am crying at anything that comes my way.I feel very fragile.Did anyone have as much trouble as I am having with this???? NOT ACCORDING TO WHAT I READ ON THE WEB SITE. Did anyone else succeed? REALLY succeed after feeling despair such as I feel - even after having the tools in front of them???I am sure the answer can only be yes. But at this point ...so what.
On February 14, Jayne Morgan-Kidd wrote:
I was in the same place you are, feeling that it works great for everyone but me. However, I kept using EFT with others in my work and seeing it work time and time again. So that encouraged me and helped me see that it could work for me to if I would just keep at it. I read through your 'even though's' and I think I see at least one problem with them. The affirmation part of the saying (I accept and love myself etc.) doesn’t feel true for you right now. Change all of those endings to 'I am open to the possibility that in time I could learn to accept myself.' Other endings could be:
'I choose to find something about myself to accept' or'I am willing to learn to accept all parts of myself' or’(Someone else) accepts me anyway.’ And name the someone else, maybe it's your husband, a friend, me (Jayne), God, whoever you believe in your heart does truly accept you.
Do these regularly and in front of a mirror. Look into your own eyes. It might make you cry. I used to cry saying those things to myself because it just felt so painful. Do it anyway. Let me know how it goes.
On Apr 5, Laura wrote:
Not doing so well these days. I am looking for a job, and it is getting me down. I doubled up my dose of Effexor last night, and am doing ok right now.Gary's a lucky guy. He's doing pretty well with the writing on his walls.I am fighting changing mine. I use it for protection. I am too scared to let go of all the ways I hate myself. If I do, then someone else will have a chance to ridicule or shame me.I am still hiding. And I keep finding more and more reasons to stay here.I have still been tapping. Am I making progress? Cutting down any trees? Really hard to say.
(Additionally, Laura reported that at this time, she was tapping on her EFT phrases sporadically.)
On Apr 6, Jayne Morgan-Kidd wrote:
I am going to suggest a planned, repetitive routine for you. Do all of these everyday, whether they seem true or not. Do them morning and night (more often if possible). When other phrases come to mind, write them down and do them too (add them to the list and do everyday from that day forward). Keep this routine up for 30 days. Do each in the following manner:
Example: Even though I am too angry to heal, I choose to accept myself as I am and I choose to heal anyway.
(KC point, 3 times) Even though I am too angry to heal, I choose to accept myself as I am and I choose to heal anyway.
First round saying 'I am too angry to heal' (while tapping points from top of head to under arm)
Second round saying 'I choose to accept myself as I am and I choose to heal anyway.' (tapping at same points as in first round)
Third round alternating 'Even though I am too angry to heal' with 'I choose to accept myself as I am and I choose to heal anyway.' (at same the points, just alternate the phrases).
Here are the phrases to use:
Even though I am fighting change... (you choose the affirming part of the statement. Use the words 'I choose')
Even if I let go of all the ways I hate myself, then someone else will ridicule or shame me...
Even though I keep hating myself for protection…
Even though I need to protect myself...
Even though I am still hiding...
Even though I keep finding more reasons to hide…
Even though I'm afraid to heal…
Even though I may never heal…
Even though I don't want to heal…
Even though I am too angry to heal…
Even though I'm too helpless to heal…
Even though no one can help me heal…
Even though I'm not worth healing…
Even though if I heal I won't know who I am…
Let me hear from you in 30 days.
On May 14, Laura wrote:
I wanted to write you and update you on my progress.
I have used the statements you gave me over the past month. At first I recorded my routine on the calendar. Now I generally do it because I like to. (I may still need to record - because getting too busy will be my downfall). My routine is to go morning and night, but sometimes miss, sometimes go in the middle of the day. A couple of times I have used it immediately to deal with anxiety.
Even though these are very general statements, they work for me. Specifics - usually things from that day – come to mind. Maybe that is why it is working so well for me. I feel a sense of relief on many days as I say these. Sometimes it is only saying one of the statements- not the same one each day by any means. I remember yesterday morning I felt such a clearing that I decided I didn't need to go through the whole list.
These statements stop my "fight or flight" method of dealing with my fears/anger/anxiety.
I did some aptitude testing several years ago. This testing rates innate abilities. I scored in the 95th percentile in both foresight (seeing possibilities) and inductive reasoning (picking related objects/thinking on my feet). I am in the 90th percentile in ideaphoria (flow of ideas). In other words, I think very abstractly and see lots of possibilities. Maybe that is why specifics don't work for me and these general statements do.
I applied for a couple jobs that took some courage on my part to even consider. I actually landed one of them!! I now have a professional job that I am very happy about!
So far, so good. I use EFT to deal with the changes. I see myself out there interacting, not hiding so much. Most people have welcomed me, and I am making friends and alliances there. There are a couple of people that have not welcomed me - as of yet - and I am dealing with that in a "healed" manner. I am not attacking them or running from them- for the most part. They are more of a focus to me than I would like, but I am heal-ING. Not healed. In fact, I may never heal all the way, but God has a plan for me anyway.
Those statements were an inspiration. I thank you for your assistance!!!!
Not quite a ‘one-minute wonder’ but an excellent example of how persistence really pays off. Laura made the point that the articles on the website relaying examples about fast healing through EFT, while encouraging, may also give the impression that quick cures are the norm for EFT users. I find that complex issues more commonly require a larger time investment. I hope this will encourage those who have tried EFT without achieving all the relief they are seeking to continue working with it and to be persistent. It really will work.