Originally my blog began as more of a journal to explore my thoughts on healing from child abuse. Through my blog I connected to other survivors and it became an amazing healing tool. After 25 years of therapy and a year of blogging, I finally was able to declare myself healed. With this came the desire to delete all of the old posts and change the direction of my blog to be more congruous with this healed self.
Constantly refining my ideas for my new blog direction has been quite frustrating. I thought I knew what I had to share until I began to write and then nothing felt quite right. Tired and frustrated with the struggle, I sat down with my journal a couple of days ago and tried, once again, to understand what it was I had to say that was worthwhile. This exercise got me nowhere.
I set the journal aside and lay down on the floor. In desperation, I closed my eyes and asked myself the following question: “If there was one bit of wisdom that someone could have given me in my early 20’s that, if I had grokked it, would have changed my life, what would it have been?” This time the answer came swiftly and crystal clear.
“Live from your heart and not your head.”
This truth resonated so deep inside me that I lay there on the floor and sobbed.
I have lived my entire life almost completely from my head. I torture myself by over-thinking everything. Always trying to figure out cognitively what to do. It was literally like all of my focus was concentrated in my head and anything below my neck was cut off from the energy. My body screamed in complaint of this but I ignored the message. Oh, I felt the resulting physical illness as my body struggled to get my attention and I treated the symptoms and tried to move on with life.
Most of the illness did leave as I healed from the abuse because I unwittingly began to live a bit more from my heart. While not condoning the abuse, I forgave my abusers. Forgiveness was more for my own peace of mind and it worked. I was able to walk away from years of depression, hurt, anger and pain. But something still didn’t feel quite right.
On the heels of my forgiveness was a dawning need to understand and connect to my spirituality more than I ever had before. I was being guided and I was blindly following yet still not grasping the significance of what I needed to learn.
When I received the message to live from my heart and not my head my whole life fell into place at a pace that left me dizzy yet excited. All of the pain and hurt I have endured made sense. That one realization made it all worth it.
I have taken a lot of wrong turns in my life and have ignored the lesson time and time again. All of my searching and the answer was literally right under my nose. Now, I get it! I feel it deep in my bones. I feel it in the tears running in warm rivers down my face. I feel it in my heart.
The depth of what I have to share regarding this “heart” realization is great. It will take many posts and involve many aspects of the heart. I now have a grounding direction for my life. After years of doggedly searching for my purpose, I now realize that it was lying quietly in my heart the entire time waiting for me to notice.
I would be honored if you would join me in my journey as I explore living from my heart and not my head. I welcome your thoughts and experiences on this subject.
Namaste.
1 Comment
Originally my blog began as more of a journal to explore my thoughts on healing from child abuse. Through my blog I connected to other survivors and it became an amazing healing tool. After 25 years of therapy and a year of blogging, I finally was able to declare myself healed. With this came the desire to delete all of the old posts and change the direction of my blog to be more congruous with this healed self.
Constantly refining my ideas for my new blog direction has been quite frustrating. I thought I knew what I had to share until I began to write and then nothing felt quite right. Tired and frustrated with the struggle, I sat down with my journal a couple of days ago and tried, once again, to understand what it was I had to say that was worthwhile. This exercise got me nowhere.
I set the journal aside and lay down on the floor. In desperation, I closed my eyes and asked myself the following question: “If there was one bit of wisdom that someone could have given me in my early 20’s that, if I had grokked it, would have changed my life, what would it have been?” This time the answer came swiftly and crystal clear.
“Live from your heart and not your head.”
This truth resonated so deep inside me that I lay there on the floor and sobbed.
I have lived my entire life almost completely from my head. I torture myself by over-thinking everything. Always trying to figure out cognitively what to do. It was literally like all of my focus was concentrated in my head and anything below my neck was cut off from the energy. My body screamed in complaint of this but I ignored the message. Oh, I felt the resulting physical illness as my body struggled to get my attention and I treated the symptoms and tried to move on with life.
Most of the illness did leave as I healed from the abuse because I unwittingly began to live a bit more from my heart. While not condoning the abuse, I forgave my abusers. Forgiveness was more for my own peace of mind and it worked. I was able to walk away from years of depression, hurt, anger and pain. But something still didn’t feel quite right.
On the heels of my forgiveness was a dawning need to understand and connect to my spirituality more than I ever had before. I was being guided and I was blindly following yet still not grasping the significance of what I needed to learn.
When I received the message to live from my heart and not my head my whole life fell into place at a pace that left me dizzy yet excited. All of the pain and hurt I have endured made sense. That one realization made it all worth it.
I have taken a lot of wrong turns in my life and have ignored the lesson time and time again. All of my searching and the answer was literally right under my nose. Now, I get it! I feel it deep in my bones. I feel it in the tears running in warm rivers down my face. I feel it in my heart.
The depth of what I have to share regarding this “heart” realization is great. It will take many posts and involve many aspects of the heart. I now have a grounding direction for my life. After years of doggedly searching for my purpose, I now realize that it was lying quietly in my heart the entire time waiting for me to notice.
I would be honored if you would join me in my journey as I explore living from my heart and not my head. I welcome your thoughts and experiences on this subject.
Namaste.