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WHAT IS THAT SILLY SLIT IN MY SPANX?

Posted Mar 14 2013 2:28pm

THE SECRET TO THE SLIT IN YOUR SPANX...


Boys laugh at bathroom banter. 

Bathroom

But as gabby as us gals can be, the bathroom...is usually A BOYCOTTED subject.

-3

And while I agree the loo should stay, lets say, a "dirty little secret," there are times we need to break protocol for the betterment of women kind.

When I worked on "The Tyra Banks Show" I had heard a rumor from Tyra herself that you can go to the bathroom without pulling your Spanx down.  But I have to be honest, she talked about a lot of things I would never try at home so I sort of dismissed the thought.  I would just yank, and tug, and pull down...then I would hope that no "overflow" would hit the wad of nylon wrapped around my ankles as I stood hovering over the toilet seat.

 

 

Tangledspanx

 

Finally, I would pray as I did the "running man" in place, pulling the Spanx back up.  I hoped an angel would land them exactly where they had been...so they would not slip and create a fat roll..

...until one day when one of my best girlfriends changed my life.

At a wedding, my friend Carolyn said, "You know the hole is for peeing, right?"

You see, I had been wearing Spanx since the dawn of Spanx, and I never noticed that my new Spanx now had a slit in them.

Perplexed, I looked down and there it was, staring right at me...

Spanx003

Terrified, I said , "No way!  If I miss, I'm screwed for the rest of the wedding because I will have to ditch the Spanx and reveal the burrito baby I am hiding!".

She fed me a few more cocktails and coaxed me back into the ladies room where she told me to literally sit, spread, and lean forward.  I was terrified to say the least, but Carolyn was not letting me at out that stall until I performed. And low and behold... a few rum and cokes and a glass of water later, it worked!

Now ladies, you are going to have to trust me on this one.  I know it's scary but I swear it works!  I highly suggest the buddy system because it will ease your fears.  Carolyn was taught by her friend Emily...and now girls, it is my turn to pass the torch.

I know you are mortified,when I told my good friend Josie, she was too....
 

-7

But I explained to her she needed to focus on all the free time she will have once her Spanx bathroom trips are reduced from 25 minutes to 5!  And I pointed out that I am basically issuing a Public Service Announcement... after a few glasses of wine, she reluctantly agreed to let me show her just how the deed is done.

 

Step 1:   Do not be afraid to sit on the seat . Think of the Spanx as a seat cover.

-6

Step 2:  In a seated squat position lean as far forward as you can...

(without falling in of course)

Now take a deep breath... and relax

Toiletlean2

When you lean forward all the way the slit will open naturally like this... Slitopen

  Step 3Trust your Spanx will not spill!

Victory

Now that wasn't so bad was it?  Today, I leave you with one last word of advice.  Proceed with caution if you have the newest model of Spanx.

110-gal-spanx-nude_300  

The kind like this where your bra attaches to the Spanx.

I hear it tends to shift the slit just slightly to the right...which I am sure you can imagine could be...a little messy.

CHEERS TO BLISSFUL BATHROOM BREAKS IN YOUR FUTURE!

XOXO

KK

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