Fighting the Fatigue (and Guilt!) of Illness When You are a Mom
Posted Sep 01 2010 7:01am
By Heather Laurie
Parenting is exhausting. What do you do when you have extreme fatigue and illness dragging at you? It is easy to tell yourself, “just one more thing” or “I’ll figure a way to make it happen.” Then you have the pressures from our loved ones. A child not understanding why mommy can’t come out to play. A husband who just came home from work and doesn’t understand why dinner isn’t done.
Are we failing in some way? In many ways? I sometimes think that. I always think “I should….” or “I could..”, “If I was super mom I would” I call it the ‘oulds. Those things that didn’t get done that leave you feeling guilty. Are we super women? No, sadly we are not and despite what the TV would have you believe neither is the next door neighbor. So revel in your lack of a cape. Let go of the guilt. The Lord has no intention of you sitting around crying for one of the ‘oulds!
So you have fatigue problems. I do too, and it can destroy a day. While sick this past winter I was able to get from my bed to the couch. That was it. I slept for the day. Not well, with that type of fatigue sleep no matter how much you sleep it is never enough. I was only able to rely on my hubby to take over the kids. When I had to tell a child that I was too tired I always hugged them and asked them to pray for me. I told them the truth, that I wanted to get up but mommy’s body was too tired.
Children can better wrap their mind around a problem if you give them a solution. I told them to pray. My children love God and believe that the Lord will heal me. That was something they could trust in. By hugging them and letting them know that I wasn’t happy too. The situation became mommy is not sleep because she wants to but because she is sick.
Be open with your husband and tell him how you are feeling. Don’t expect his ESP to pick up on your slumped shoulder or cough to let him know. My hubby always tells me to talk to him and try to be precise. Like are your legs jittery? For him I believe it is because he is a fixer. Present a problem and he works out a solution. Most men are that problem oriented.
Even if you are left without the energy to help with the house or other normal “wife ” duties. Try to uphold your Biblical wife duties. That is to support your husband. Be of a mild, joyful manner so that he is uplifted by your very presence. Together a wife and husband are incredibly strong even when one is sick. Think why else would Satan be trying so desperately to destroy that which God has put together. He knows that two in Christ are ten times stronger and will grow stronger as time passes.
Chronic fatigue is a limitation but it is not an end to a quality family life. Take time to enjoy your children. Let them know how much you can do in advance, such as mommy can play cards with you but I can’t go to the park. Talk to your husband be clear and loving. Trust that he will protect and help you through you troubled times. Uphold him so that he knows you will support and encourage him at all times. Trust in the Lord.
Heather Laurie is a christian wife, and mother to 5 children and 2 angels. She suffered with an unknown illness most of her life recently finding out she had lupus and a genetic disorder. Her children also have that genetic disorder. The Lord has led Heather and her husband Chris through these experiences to create a ministry dedicated to serving those with special needs. You can find them at www.LaurieFamilyMinistries.org or www.SpecialNeedsHomeschooling.com
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