I wrote this a while ago (am recovered from the fall I mention) and decided to publish it on my blog after all. I didn't originally because I had decided to stay away from negative language....but in re-reading this, found that I didn't really use much negative language and used humor enough to counter any I did. So....here is it:
There are many people, some of whom call themselves doctors and most of whom are very rich, who theorize things that make ones head spin. And I mean spin, like in “The Exorcist” when little Reagan’s head did a 360. One of these head-spinning theories is that people attract, like a magnet (subconsciously), everything that happens to them in their lives. I drive myself crazy sometimes, thinking about this. And because of my life circumstance (if you don’t know, you can read about it right here on this blog) I have plenty of time to drive myself crazy, and often do.
Did I somehow attract all these things in my life? Consciously? Unconsciously? On purpose? I mean, how many rare disorders can one person have? Skip that. I don’t want to tempt fate. But some people think I was born with this genetic disorder so I could ‘work out’ some unfinished business in another life. So I attracted it in-vitro or "in" wherever the heck we come from. And the rare stomach disorder? Who knows? The point is, some people think that everything we do, everything we are, is designed to work something out.
At any rate, I have recovered from the stomach surgery and am feeling quite well, with the exception of my bowels not quite functioning yet (hmmm, wonder why I have attracted bowel dysfunction? Hanging on to something, perhaps? Yuk) so I went out with a friend on Saturday night. When I got home, she let me out of the car, and I walked to my door, but on the way, decided (unconsciously) to take a header over one of those cement barriers in front of parked cars. On the way down (prior to hitting my nose on the pavement) I jammed my foot. I actually thought I was okay, save for some bruises and a few cuts. But Sunday morning, my foot looked suspiciously like an eggplant-colored nerf ball.
Being fairly quick on the uptake, I told myself it wasn’t right. I went to the emergency room with a friend, and discovered I had broken my foot AND sprained my ankle. A twofer. So now I have a boot, a walker, and can’t drive for six weeks. Drama. I’m attracting drama because it was threatening to leave me with nothing but bad bowels and spinal tumors that keep me in horrible pain. “Not enough!” I shouted inwardly. “I need MORE drama! I need people to feel sorry for me!! I need attention!” So I fell. What could this all mean? Could it mean that I’m resisting being what I am? And what am I? A verb? Could it be that simple? Like a great swami, I could be the verb “To Be” That is my job this time around. Just “To Be” And I’m resisting it. With drama. And pain.
Except, instead of a mountain on which to sit and ponder my “To Be ness”, I have cable television and Netfilx. Distractions, one could say, but on the other hand, there are a lot of movies and documentaries on the subject of being. Not that I watch those particular things, but the point is, they are available. And in between, I focus on all sorts of meaningful things in life….but I won’t tell you what they are. That is your journey. So best of luck on your journey. If you have any questions, I’ll be being on my couch.
There are many people, some of whom call themselves doctors and most of whom are very rich, who theorize things that make ones head spin. And I mean spin, like in “The Exorcist” when little Reagan’s head did a 360. One of these head-spinning theories is that people attract, like a magnet (subconsciously), everything that happens to them in their lives. I drive myself crazy sometimes, thinking about this. And because of my life circumstance (if you don’t know, you can read about it right here on this blog) I have plenty of time to drive myself crazy, and often do.
Did I somehow attract all these things in my life? Consciously? Unconsciously? On purpose? I mean, how many rare disorders can one person have? Skip that. I don’t want to tempt fate. But some people think I was born with this genetic disorder so I could ‘work out’ some unfinished business in another life. So I attracted it in-vitro or "in" wherever the heck we come from. And the rare stomach disorder? Who knows? The point is, some people think that everything we do, everything we are, is designed to work something out.
At any rate, I have recovered from the stomach surgery and am feeling quite well, with the exception of my bowels not quite functioning yet (hmmm, wonder why I have attracted bowel dysfunction? Hanging on to something, perhaps? Yuk) so I went out with a friend on Saturday night. When I got home, she let me out of the car, and I walked to my door, but on the way, decided (unconsciously) to take a header over one of those cement barriers in front of parked cars. On the way down (prior to hitting my nose on the pavement) I jammed my foot. I actually thought I was okay, save for some bruises and a few cuts. But Sunday morning, my foot looked suspiciously like an eggplant-colored nerf ball.
Being fairly quick on the uptake, I told myself it wasn’t right. I went to the emergency room with a friend, and discovered I had broken my foot AND sprained my ankle. A twofer. So now I have a boot, a walker, and can’t drive for six weeks. Drama. I’m attracting drama because it was threatening to leave me with nothing but bad bowels and spinal tumors that keep me in horrible pain. “Not enough!” I shouted inwardly. “I need MORE drama! I need people to feel sorry for me!! I need attention!” So I fell. What could this all mean? Could it mean that I’m resisting being what I am? And what am I? A verb? Could it be that simple? Like a great swami, I could be the verb “To Be” That is my job this time around. Just “To Be” And I’m resisting it. With drama. And pain.
Except, instead of a mountain on which to sit and ponder my “To Be ness”, I have cable television and Netfilx. Distractions, one could say, but on the other hand, there are a lot of movies and documentaries on the subject of being. Not that I watch those particular things, but the point is, they are available. And in between, I focus on all sorts of meaningful things in life….but I won’t tell you what they are. That is your journey. So best of luck on your journey. If you have any questions, I’ll be being on my couch.