Yes, I have said it repeatedly -- I grew up wanting everything PERFECT and have been a "recovering perfectionist" now for quite some time. Intelligently I know there is no such thing as perfect and at the same time I have learned "everything is as it should be" -- so doesn't that mean every moment IS perfect? There have been some areas of my life that have just fallen into place almost magically as I began studying the Law of Attraction, the mind body connection and consciousness. There have been other areas where I hit my mental road blocks and need(ed) some friendly reminders to get me in the right frame of mind once again. Along the way I have learned some steps to "letting go" that I have found very helpful and I wanted to share. I hope they help you along your path.
1) Nothing is "Perfect" but "Everything is as it should be"
Looking up "perfect" in the dictionary I found one definition I did not agree with and one that fits this point PERFECTLY! ;-) The one I did not like was how I USED to live my life: "excellent or complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement"The one that I now use as my definition is: "fitting the need in a certain situation or for a certain purpose." For example: If I am having company and want my place to be clean -- it used to be a priority that all was "perfect" along the lines of the first definition. I wanted to know that there was no dust and that the person coming in would say to themselves "Wow, what a perfectly clean house". Now, sure I like a clean house but I will not kill myself to get it that way. I love the definition "fitting the needs for a certain purpose". I don't realistically think anyone that comes over my house is going to do the "white glove test". Reality is I have two young children, 2 cats, work a lot and unless I am going to clean many hours a day -- my house will never in fact be "perfect". This is okay with me and saying it is okay makes the stress lift. Analyze the situation where you want to be "perfect" and tell yourself "it is OK if it is not 100% the way I would want it to be -- it is GOOD enough! Let go of that inner perfectionist.
When you stop to think about what you are grateful for it becomes easier to "let go". If you are disappointed things are not going the way you want... stop and pay attention and give gratitude to the things that ARE going the way you want. If you are upset with someone, stop and give gratitude to the things you DO like about the person. Gratitude allows you to "let go" of the negative emotion and change to a very different state of mind. There is always something and someone (usually MANY things and MANY people) to be grateful for. Reminding yourself is an easy way to shift your mood and "let go" of what is bothering you.
3) Give Yourself a Break
Have you done lots of things to achieve a goal or complete something yet are over extending yourself and want for things to move even faster? Lighten up. Sometimes things cannot happen because you have too firm a grip and are not allowing them to happen. Relax, do something else that you LOVE and enjoy and then come back refreshed. I recently needed to do this BIG TIME with my invention. I had been hounding people, beating myself up, blaming others and causing stress to all involved with the biggest receiver of the stress being myself. If you feel you are hitting a brick wall or things are not moving fast enough - it probably means you need to back away and "let go".
Similarly if you are rehashing a situation in your head -- this usually will not get you anywhere. Conversations, arguments, break ups.... these things all need some time away without the emotions involved for you to get a fresh outlook on them. When emotions are fresh your "Pain Body" is involved and reacting from such a place will cause more damage than good. Do yourself a favor and give yourself a break to "let go" of the situation causing the pain and move onto something positive.
4) Forgiveness (Ho'oponopono)
Forgivenessis so important to healing that it is the number one part of my "Paging Me System" (that I highlighted on Alex Blackwell's blog"The Next 45 Years" and write about in detail in myebook). When you hold onto anger and don't let it go you are harming yourself. Haven't you suffered enough with whatever has happened to you?
My favorite means of forgiveness is the method of Ho'oponopono. These phrases when said to yourself (about yourself and about others) are freeing and it does not take long at all. Aaron Potts ofToday is That Dayhas a brilliant article onHo'oponopono. Dr. Joe Vitale (Who was in "The Secret") has a book on it called, "Zero Limits: The Secret Hawaiian System for Wealth, Health, Peace and More". Yes, it seemed a bit hokey to me as well but after doing it and talking to many people who have tried it -- all have had the same amazing results. It is saying a few simple phrases repeatedly and thinking about the person the forgiveness is intended for whole heartedly when you say them. Since self-love is a "biggie" for most people I highly recommend starting with forgiving yourself. I find the best thing is to start with 5 minutes to myself and then 5 minutes for another person.... 10 minutes and I feel totally different than when I started. 5 Simple Sentences: I Love you, I Am So Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Thank you, How Can I Help you?
This helped me last week tremendously when I was placing blame on someone. A wise friendKate Stronggave me wonderful advice and told me to do Ho'oponopono for the person I was blaming. It helped me go into the next meeting coming from a very different place. It was a reminder of something I THOUGHT I had learned a year ago in a similar situation.... People FEEL your energy in conversations and dealings no matter what your words are saying. If you go into that meeting/situation having forgiven and given a blessing to someone -- you WILL have a much different experience. Let go of all previous experiences and feel the "Power of Now" as Mr. Tolle would say.... and experience the difference for yourself.
5) Surrender it to God, the Universe or a Higher Power
When we are truly stumped -- whether it is with a physical situation or an emotional issue "surrendering" to a Higher Power can truly make you feel free. Acknowledge you are not all knowing or all powerful and take that pressure off of yourself. Sometimes you are just stuck and need to ask for help. Write it down or ask in prayer but name what you need help with and ask for it. Ask to be shown that next step and then "let it go". This is perfect alignment with The Serenity Prayer which beautiful, simple and puts it better than I can!:
God, grant me serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can
and wisdom to know the difference.
There are many ways to "let go" of a problem, being stuck, anger or feeling like a perfectionist. I hope my 5 ways help you to give yourself a little break, pay gratitude for what you have and make your day a little brighter for doing so. I would love to know of any other methods you use to "let go". As always, I love and welcome comments from readers. I also am offering a free 1/2 hour coaching session with the purchase of myebook.