Last night as I was falling asleep, my husband had the TV tuned into the History Channel. I listened to the narrator tell of how an astroid or comet, can enter a solar system and strike one planet. If this adds enough extra mass to that planet, it can change the orbits of the planets around it.
Is that life or what? Start at the universal level and bring it right down to earth, to its ecosystem and then to us human beings (who are pretty good at throwing in metaphorical comets of weighted change– current example, the oil spilling out into the ocean and gulf stream).
The influence of a change on one, affecting those in near proximity, goes right to human relationships and through to the individual.
Okay, so in my little family solar system since the addition of three members into the household, I have decided that we have been impacted by weighted change and that it has reset orbits. Some have fallen smoothly into their new rotations and others, like myself, who is slow to transition, is still in free fall, hoping a new orbit is waiting nearby for me to land in.
Out of reach, but in sight are my routine, my laptop, my cell phone, my feeling of comfort and security, even chunks of my identity,…they’re there I can see them…now I’m waiting, falling, waiting, hoping when I land they will all be near, and I can pick them up again…most likely in a new configuration, but in an orbit, I can count on.
Yes “count on”, the “false sense of security” we need, that things will stay close to the same each day. Even though asteroids and comets fall through solar systems, even though nature is unpredictable and our bodies fragile…even though those of us whose fragile bodies have gone too haywire to be “counted on”, we need that sense of security that helps us feel at ease. We need whatever routine and control we can put together…
At least I do. I’m a routine freak. Even though the state of my body has the greatest impact on my routine, whatever I can control and set in orbit, feels like a salve that spreads across my days. This morning my laptop spun close enough to grab and to write a post. Still, falling around me near, but out of my reach are the the new sounds of my granddaughter crying, my son asking for bleach to clean with, my explaining again, my MCS and how it relates to cleaning bathrooms (I can only tolerate vinegar and baking soda), dinners with five adults with different schedules and tastes and few cooks (I love to cook, but am most often unable to), a washing machine almost constantly full, baby products and finding one’s that are safe for baby and me, finances in flux, they’re all floating out of reach…as is the sense of false security I am longing for.
….and lemons…lemons…its hard to make lemonade outside an orbit. So for now, I’m watching yellow lemons float by. Imagine if they each had consciousness they’d be feeling a sense of false security…not knowing that someone is near who would like to make lemonade when she can.