I had a brilliant birthday, lots of family, friends and food - and the weather held. But now I'm knackered. I've got the three day lag blues. I dropped a bottle on the kitchen floor this morning and there's beer and glass everywhere. Not that I was drinking the beer - just emptying the fridge. I'll talk about my party when I'm feeling a bit more upbeat, but we all had a good time.
Just looking back at last week's post to tie up loose ends I forgot to mention that I did prioritise my list for the doc. I think it's important to do that if you are thinking of taking a similar list to your own doc. I told her the worst thing was my mobility which seems to be getting worse and worse. We did talk about Lyme. She questioned me closely and my pattern of onset didn't really fit. She would be prepared to do the tests but warned me they are often inconclusive. I can almost hear the clattering of keyboards as the Lymies amongst you urge me to get tested. My gut feeling is I don't have Lyme. I've never had a rash and I can't pinpoint a 'time before' CFS and a 'time after'. Also my pain is different than y'all report.
I've said it before, but I think my CFS was induced by extreme stress over time, both environmental and emotional. It's complicated by osteoarthritis, which, on its own can be pretty disabling. You also have to take into account my old coping mechanisms which included alcohol abuse, over eating and over working. I didn't do drugs heavily but have flirted with cannabis and strong pain killers. And I'm not ruling out XMRV or other viruses. I know I've got HPV and have had cancer preventing treatment for that. Actually, on that, I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm pretty certain cancer will get me in the end as it seems to have done for most of my close ancestors.
I know this all sounds very negative and Eeyorish but i'm just being realistic. After diagnosis I felt very positive and was convinced I was going to recover enough for work. Through resting, pacing and watching my nutrition I did see some recovery which held. Earlier this year I saw my base line come up a little more but i'm wondering if this is more about becoming more expert at managing my CFS.
A question for you. If one is doing more, yet still feeling like sh*t warmed over, is that recovery? To feel normal I would have to be virtually housebound and spend most of my time in chaste, Jane Austen-like activities. Trouble is, I don't have a bevy of servants or a chaise longue on which to recline.
Time to stop rambling. Answers on a postcard please!