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Why is it that I’m more tempted with a job than with chocolate? What’s wrong with me?

Posted Dec 01 2010 8:30pm
So last week I wrote an entry, “So what do you do?” I was trying to convince myself that I’m okay with not working and focusing on my health. (Notice I used the word trying, this is a constant struggle for my type A self.) This morning my phone rang, and it was an unknown number with my area code. Hmm… could it be my hair salon confirming my hair cut on Friday? Could it be one of the substitute callers? I decided to let it go to voicemail. I usually screen my substitute calls. That way I can think more whether or not I want to take the job. Soon after the phone stopped ringing, I saw I had a message. I put it on speaker while I sipped my tea.
Well it wasn’t Fringe Salon or either of my substitute callers. Instead it was a school calling to set up an interview for an elementary teaching replacement position. (either 3rd or 4th grade) I was completely shocked because I didn’t even apply or send my resume in! The position is in a district where I worked last year for a maternity leave. My CFS was more manageable last spring and I was really thinking that I was getting over it. This same district didn’t hire me for a full time position this year. I even interviewed with them for a part time position and didn’t get it.  Never mind the fact that I’m annoyed with them, and don’t really want to go through being rejected again, I’m just starting to come to an understanding that I’m not working now. And now, this??
I definitely have a sweet tooth and love dark chocolate. I have some right now frozen in my freezer. The good stuff, Dagoba! I know I shouldn’t really eat sugar, so therefore it sits in my freezer. However, I also know I shouldn’t work right now. So why am I excited and thrilled that they called me? Why am I convincing myself that I can try to manage? I truly miss having a teaching career. I loved going to work each day. However, I will admit that when I worked last spring it was truly difficult at times. My weekends and nights were all about rest and recovery. It killed me to not have the energy that I used to. Teaching is a very demanding job!
So in the end, I decided not to go in for the interview. L Until I have more consistent good days, I can’t think about working full time. What a crappy, harsh reality! Looks like it’s time to get that chocolate out of the freezer.
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