When I was walking to the clinic, the stalker strange old man spotted me. He was waving at me from the distance and hurrying to come to me. Oh, NO! I wished he would go away. He forced kiss on my cheek. I flinched. I wasn’t smiling. Amazingly, he didn’t notice any of this. He had a big smile on his face and now opened the clinic’s front door for me. He was telling me no need to hurry and I could take my time… At this moment, I thought this man may have brain injury so that he cannot recognise social cue like someone is avoiding him.
When I finally reached at the front door, there was another old man who likes to bad mouth at anybody as his way of showing his affection. He was telling off the strange old man that he was a dirty old man. *rolling my eyes*
Waiting room was packed with patients as they were running Swine Flu Vaccination day.
The short walk from my car to the clinic exhausted me more than usual. I was out of breath and it didn’t go away with resting on the chair.
I wondered if I was having COPD exacerbation. But my lung function has been okay. Dyspnoea may be coming from something else.
I felt I wasn’t well and I needed to lie down. Since I haven’t been lying in the separate room for quite long time now, I was feeling hesitant to ask. There was a dilemma going in my head and I was hoping that I don’t need to lie down.
I started accumulating my courage to ask for a bed. When I had enough courage, I realised I was in trouble. I was half paralysed and starting to feel dizzy. When I’m like this, I cannot speak. Even if I try, nobody can hear my voice.
“What to do?!” I panicked in my head. I looked at the reception, but receptionists were behind the tall counter and they cannot see me. Even if they see me, they wouldn’t know I was in trouble.
I noticed my left finger tips were turning to blue-ish. This cannot be good, I thought.
I thought about ringing to the clinic from my mobile to draw their attention. But I didn’t have the courage to do it…
Dr TL called me and asked to wait in his office. A woman next to me realised something was wrong with me since I wasn’t getting up. She asked if I was okay. I forced myself to adjust my posture but that was all I could do. I couldn’t get up. She helped me to get up. Then each step to Dr TL’s office was extra effort. I longed for my wheelchair in the car boot. I had to stop and rest often. I was pushing tears back. Just keeping my eyes open was effort. Light was too bright and making me more fatigued. Muscles of my body were so weak and keeping my eye lids open required conscious effort. My vision was fading and if I let it go a little longer, it would be all bright white and I wouldn’t see anything.
Finally I made to the chair and that was when Dr TL came back.
He asked how I was and commented I looked well. I told him that I was not well and I was in trouble. He asked when it was. I said I was in trouble right now. He checked BP, and decided to run ECG on me.
The receptionist helped me to walk to the room. I wished I had my wheelchair. I should have let her know when I was in trouble, she kindly told me. I explained that I cannot talk when I’m like this.
Dr AZ was bewildered. He kept asking what happened. I wish I could explain. All I could tell was that it was part of my condition and it happens all the sudden.
I felt I was saved when I saw the bed. All I needed was to lie down.
The receptionist was chatting to me that she is learning how to hook up wires. Dr AZ popped in a few times to offer help.
Since I was lying down, strength in muscles slowly came back by the time all the wires were hooked up. She happily told me that I was the first patient she successfully hooked all wires.
Dr TL came in and got the data. The receptionist helped me to put bras back on and to walk back to Dr TL’s office. I was still feeling very weak, but I knew the worst was over.
He told me that ECG was “amazingly” normal. It was disappointing. But I realised I was out from the critical status when he collected the data… It came to my mind that I need to seriously consider Tilt Table Test. At least it will pick up data while I’m in critical condition. I want to know what is going on in my body when things like this happens, even there is no effective treatment.