The important thing about throwing in the towel is not to hang onto the corner of it and drag it back when nobody is looking. I'm doing what I can get away with at the moment - and actually I'm not getting away with it. Now I am here, though, on the other side of The Move, a letting go process is happening. It reminds me of my post-diagnosis crash when suddenly I had permission to be ill.
Yesterday I had my first appointment at my new doctor's which I was approaching with not a little trepidation. An understanding GP is key to recovery. It's not impossible to 'shop around' with the Internet. You don't have to choose the nearest surgery these days, however, online criteria can be misleading. I plumped for the nearest and hoped for the best.
And the best, it seems, is what I got. The surgery is in a converted church and, despite Radio 2 tootling out in the waiting room, people seem to talk in hushed tones as if not to disturb prayer and meditation. Nothing is too much trouble for the receptionists, they are entirely customer focussed. The doc I saw was an older man who insists on being called by his first name and makes good eye contact. I briefly outlined my underlying problems and the recent stress. I came away with a referral for counselling which I should get quite soon. Well, we'll wait and see. In Wales I asked for the same thing, waited six weeks, heard nothing - absolutely nothing. Somehow you know though, because of the attention to detail in the rest of this new practice, that they will come through. It's a bit like when you are flying. If the cabin crew are off-hand you wonder what the maintenance crew are like.
After I saw the avuncular doc I had my new patient check with the nurse. I did have to wait nearly half an hour and was fading by then. My blood pressure was up a bit but everything else is OK. They actually lend out blood pressure machines and she suggested I borrow one before my next appointment. Also, if you forget to renew your prescription, no wagging fingers here - give them a ring and they'll fax it through to Tesco's for you, or your pharmacy of choice.
So, all bodes well for long term recovery. In the short term I'm still resolutely holding onto the corner of the towel. I think this is driven by anxiety, or fear even of being overwhelmed. I'm so wobbly I'm holding onto banisters and furniture to get around; emotionally I'm incontinent. But if I don't get those cards done by last posting. . er what? They'll be LATE.