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Thinking the next thought.

Posted Mar 30 2010 2:13am
Thanks everyone for your insightful and supportive comments. I've been too pooped to reply individually, just know every one is valued.

I'm all over the place. We had a great weekend. I had arranged for art club to come to my place on Friday night, forgetting that it was a Little R weekend and AJ's brother was also staying for a few nights. It was wonderful having people around and takes my mind off my inner turmoil for a while. A good thing about this house is there's room for entertaining and having people to stay. 

When everyone has gone and everything is back to normal the Thing grabs me by the ankles and starts pulling me back down again. Of course there is the inevitable energy payback as well, and the clocks went forward this weekend. Oddly, this morning, I was up early and fairly buzzy. I expect that has something to do with looking forward to a second counselling session this afternoon. I get six with this counsellor and then an unknown gap until I'm handed over to the psychologist.

Shelli commented on my last that she thought it was a good thing my 'dinosaur' was trying to get out. That it showed I was in a good place. I agree with that. I do feel as if I am going mad, but I have enough objectivity and insight to allow this thing to emerge and transform.

I'm hell to live with at the moment though.  I get anxious if things are in the wrong place or not 'done properly'. Yesterday I became so overwhelmed with worry about my DLA benefit application I just ground to a halt and stared out of the window. I didn't know how to think the next thought. You know when a clockwork toy gets stuck and you have to give it a little prod to set it off again. It was just like that. Except, give me a prod and I'm likely to go off on one.

Oh well, at least it's not boring. More developments no doubt after the counsellor today and doctor tomorrow.
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