I've been trying to post for a couple of days. Each time I come back to it things have changed so I'm giving up on that one and starting afresh. I'm frustrated by it and that seems to be the theme of the week. I'm frustrated by my illness and the long recovery time from last week's trip. The weather is damp, which always affects my health, but I was at the dentist this week and she said I need to see my doctor about my sinuses. She said she sees lots of shadows on an x-ray and thinks I need antibiotics. I also need an awkward filling and I've been grinding my teeth badly.
Other niggles getting me down are that I've lost my house and car keys, a favourite shirt and my comfy earphones. My left hip is inflamed and painful with stiffness in my leg and into my heel. And I've gained a load of weight having fallen off the good diet wagon. Grumble, mumble, chunter . . . . mutter.
There's a novel by Will Self, but I can't remember which one, it may come to me in a minute. Anyway, in this novel, ah it's How the Dead Live, this woman is haunted by the Fats. These are three harpy types who are made up of all the fat she's ever lost and gained in her life. They keep turning up and saying 'fat and old, fat and old' in her ear.
It annoys me I'm so obsessed with my weight after all I have learned about gender politics and all the therapy and awesome life journey I have undertaken. It's pointless, futile and completely unwarranted. So now, not only am I at war with the Fats who are repeating 'fat and old, fat and old', I'm at war with myself for being so . . . so . . . . self-obsessed.
What I need is to look outwards not inwards. Work used to be such a great distraction from this kind of self-examination. Well I've got lots of community stuff that I need to pick up next week and maybe, if I have a bit of a tidy up I may find my keys.