Yes, it occurs; hope evolves, somewhere in the
background of the mind. Yet, this transformation seems integrally related to
the outside world too. And lets not leave out the soul, that which gets sucked
out into the abyss along with your very being when you get sick––a vacuum
sickness kindly obliges to fill.
What sparks such growth? And what causes the hope to
degenerate in the first place? I think it all comes down to understanding. Once
you have that, then you have a torch guiding you forward, holding your hand.
The lack of this vital element plays an important part in the dissolution of
hope. It is my belief that understanding eclipses love as one of the top things
that humans require to be happy. The beetles sang, “Love is all you need”, it
should have been “Understanding is all you need”.
Lets zoom in a little on this understanding. It seems to
reside from the same area as commonality; they have similar needs and roles to
play in that fuzzy little word: hope! This is why, so often, we see people like
myself feeling compelled to take to the World Wide Web, in search of ‘an
other’. Nobody wants to be an alien. So without knowing the initial reasons for
it, off we go in search of understanding and commonality, as if it were hopes
only source of oxygen. It’s not hard to find an-other out there. Many others!
And it helps, a lot. That understanding. That commonality. Yet, it doesn’t seem
to settle hopes insatiable appetite. What it really desires is
understanding that’s a bit closer to home. From family and friends, of course,
if you’re lucky. But lets face it, it’s those men in those white coats that can
really fill the vacuum. This has been the case with me.
It ain’t that easy. Nope, sorry. It’s a gradual
process. I liken getting sick with an illness like mine and the hope that gets
stolen from you due to such a messy entangled affair, to one of those balls
made up of elastic bands. The bands are all
the crap that get flicked at you from life: the symptoms, the depression, the
negative doctors, the negative perceptions, the loss of friends, the loss of
work, hobbies, the loss of you… That big ball, that’s you when you are in the
darkest part of it. Your hope is lost somewhere underneath that pile-on of suffering.
It hurts. When I met a doctor that was understanding some of those elastic
bands started to shed. And treatment… When that word was mentioned a few of
those elastic bands fell off at once! You get lulls of course, long ones. But
once my treatment started to work, my god, that ball became smaller and smaller, my hope had more and more oxygen to breath and my soul inhabited my body
The ball is now half the size I reckon, but there is so much
more air and lightness. Hope expands through the gaps and delights in
everything it sees! Inspiration comes out to play with hope. Hope falls back in
love with life! And hope and I, we dance here, we dance there, we are the best
of friends. We even sleep together (Shhhh…Don’t tell my husband). Once that
hope starts getting stronger it probably becomes the most important medicine you require. Without hope, you merely exist. Hope needs understanding. Don’t beat
yourself up if your hope is buried and you can’t find it. It’s not that
straightforward. It needs light and air. I was lucky to get light and air from
my treatment and two wonderful doctors. And because of that, here you go, I am
sharing some of my hope with you. I hope you can feel it.
What should I do with all these bands that have fallen off?
I’m sure I can think of a few people that have pissed me off over the last few
years that I can flick them at… Maybe there is a short story
in there… Maybe I’ll call it, Flick off!!
Watch this space people.