This year, I had rather bad “Valentine’s Day depression”. It is one of the symptoms when you have “Single-Woman Syndrome”, obviously not medical condition. I also get symptoms of “Christmas depression”, “New Year’s Eve depression” and a few other “holiday depression”…
It didn’t make me bitter. But it made it difficult for me to wish “Happy Valentine’s Day” to friends. I have wonderful online friends, and I know they care about me. And I appreciate it very much for their friendship.
At the same time, I need to see, feel, touch, and experience love. These are one of the basic needs of human beings. I hope my friends understand and allow me to have occasional Single-Woman Syndrome related depression.
I was suggested to join online match-maker/dating site. I’m sorry, but I don’t have faith in these sites.
I need “magic” in romance… And it takes time and sharing experiences to get to know a person. Short summary of online profile doesn’t really mean anything to me… Especially with my condition, I need someone to know me well and dearly in love with me so that my sickness and disability wouldn’t be an issue. (I know reality is not that simple. But, I hope that love makes u (?) “want” to work with the issues, rather than use it as the easy excuse for break-up.)
Being housebound and isolated from community, chances of meeting someone special is less than slim, if not impossible. Yet, I pathetically wait for the magic. Although having said that, it gets emotionally harder each year to remain single. I don’t know… One of these days, I might give in and sign up to those match-making sites and complaining about there is no quality man in this world… *sigh*
It is reasonable to say that this year’s Valentine’s Day depression was harder because I’m physically struggling as well. I still haven’t recovered from the outing to the busy and large shopping centre while ago. On top of that, we had harsh summer heat that shuts me down like a robot without batteries. Then, I had rather bad virus-like infection. The virus-like symptoms are gone, but I’m having neurological symptoms, such as vertigo, photophobia, nystagmus, lightheadedness, and headache. Not to mention the disabling exhaustion that doesn’t seem going away…
Dr TL checked my symptom notes carefully.
I keep daily lung function chart and bring it to the meeting. I keep major symptoms I experience with the chart. I’m hyper-sensitive with symptoms. I probably notice them long before they could be recognised as medical problem. So, I usually wouldn’t discuss about them. Keeping the symptom notes help me to forget about them and carry on with my day.
Occasionally, Dr TL picks up some ongoing treatable condition other than ME/CFS from the symptom notes. The quick attention and treatment to these condition also saves ME/CFS from getting worse.
This time, I have middle ear infection that could be the cause for neurological symptoms, or mimicking the neurological problem. I’m satisfied once I know what is causing the problem and what I can do about it. Knowledge makes me feel stronger and in-control.
He was about to print out the prescription. I stopped him and explained that it would be a waste because I cannot go to the Chemist. He was a little puzzled because I always follow his instruction seriously. He wondered if I didn’t have enough money to buy the medicine. I was so unwell that I could not use the wheelchair. And I don’t know how long I would be like this… I hate to be in this situation, but I cannot change it.
Dr TL froze for a moment. Then, slowly suggested while thinking. He could take the script to the Chemist and ask them to deliver the medicine to my car. Not giving the treatment wasn’t his option.
It was my turn to freeze from “shock” and brain crash. It was “shock” of being offered such help. Dr TL has been giving me exceptional support by being my team. He is my friend, but the kind of friend that I cannot have coffee with. So, I never expected him to go to the Chemist for me. My brain also crashed while I tried to think if it is acceptable to send him to such errand.
He took my non-response as “Yes, please.” I was still thinking I shouldn’t make him do this. At the same time, I needed the medicine. I didn’t have any other option.
Strangely, his help is easier for me to accept than help offered by other people. Maybe it is because I trust him and am comfortable with him.
So, we rushed the rest of the meeting to save the time for him to go to the Chemist, as he needed to be somewhere else. I was bewildered for the rest of the meeting. There is no limit for him to surprise/shock me with his kindness.
The Chemist staff was extra nice and friendly. They usually give me generic brand, but I received the original this time. This must be the “doctor” effect.
Dr TL is my Samurai, Japanese version of the Knight in Shiny Armour. He makes me feel everything will be okay. Knowing I have someone who cares about me and willing to take action, my confidence in life got stronger than ever.
The “Valentine’s Day depression” was cured. He made me feel I’m very special that is more than enough to feel happy again even while I’m physically struggling.