My friends Rachel and Ashy have recently posted thoughts provoking entries. Anybody who is living with ME/CFS can relate to their thoughts/feelings. They expressed their feelings and daily struggle of wanting/pretending to be normal.
To me, it is a “danger” thoughts that could trigger depression. (I believe it is for most of us.) And there are already lots of thoughts and emotions circling in my head. Because of this, my response can be out of proportion from their original intention.
I cannot do any of “normal” things with the circumstances I’m living with. But there is no envy or jealous in me. I don’t want anybody to feel sorry for me. I hate comparing our conditions and compete whose life is the toughest. For everybody who live with ME/CFS, everything is efforts and struggle. I feel for what they are going through and I wish there could be easier way. There are lots of efforts, planning, frustrations, anxiety, struggle and payback to participate in “normal” thing regardless of level of severity and sufferings. For that efforts, we all deserve more than just a bit of feeling normal time. Sometimes I feel it could be easier for me because I’m completely isolated from the rest of the world and away from “normal” things.
Although having said that, I have a very simple dream that I really want. If I keep the dream this simple, there is less risk of getting depressed.
I want to put make-up on, put on a nice dress and go out for a date. I don’t own make ups anymore. I don’t have a nice dress. And I certainly don’t have a boyfriend.
I know it is more likely this will not happen for the rest of my life. BUT, I hope it will one day. This simple dream makes me feel happy, so it is worth keeping it.
And quite honestly, I really don’t care if I have to carry a walking stick or being on a wheelchair as long as my boyfriend doesn’t care. (And if the boyfriend is ashamed of me because of walking stick and wheelchair, he is not really my boyfriend candidate, is he?)
I understand the feelings/dilemma of carrying a walking stick to signal the need for special consideration to the public. I would say, if carrying a walking stick can save you the very limited energy and save you from collapsing in the public, just take it with pride. Probably, less incident in the public may make you feel less “abnormal”. Maybe you could carry a folding stick so that you can hide it in your bag until you really need it. This might give you a bit longer feeling-normal-time with peace of mind. Of course, it is only my opinion.
The important thing is that you have a good time while you are out there, than worrying about what others might think. Especially after you put such efforts and planing for the little outing.
Most of all, it would be nice if we all get better and we could do things and go places as we wish without having these feelings and dilemmas in our lives at all. None of us deserve to live/struggle like this even for a short period of time.
Posted in Life, ME/CFS, Thoughts
My friends Rachel and Ashy have recently posted thoughts provoking entries. Anybody who is living with ME/CFS can relate to their thoughts/feelings. They expressed their feelings and daily struggle of wanting/pretending to be normal.
To me, it is a “danger” thoughts that could trigger depression. (I believe it is for most of us.) And there are already lots of thoughts and emotions circling in my head. Because of this, my response can be out of proportion from their original intention.
I cannot do any of “normal” things with the circumstances I’m living with. But there is no envy or jealous in me. I don’t want anybody to feel sorry for me. I hate comparing our conditions and compete whose life is the toughest. For everybody who live with ME/CFS, everything is efforts and struggle. I feel for what they are going through and I wish there could be easier way. There are lots of efforts, planning, frustrations, anxiety, struggle and payback to participate in “normal” thing regardless of level of severity and sufferings. For that efforts, we all deserve more than just a bit of feeling normal time. Sometimes I feel it could be easier for me because I’m completely isolated from the rest of the world and away from “normal” things.
Although having said that, I have a very simple dream that I really want. If I keep the dream this simple, there is less risk of getting depressed.
I want to put make-up on, put on a nice dress and go out for a date. I don’t own make ups anymore. I don’t have a nice dress. And I certainly don’t have a boyfriend.
I know it is more likely this will not happen for the rest of my life. BUT, I hope it will one day. This simple dream makes me feel happy, so it is worth keeping it.
And quite honestly, I really don’t care if I have to carry a walking stick or being on a wheelchair as long as my boyfriend doesn’t care. (And if the boyfriend is ashamed of me because of walking stick and wheelchair, he is not really my boyfriend candidate, is he?)
I understand the feelings/dilemma of carrying a walking stick to signal the need for special consideration to the public. I would say, if carrying a walking stick can save you the very limited energy and save you from collapsing in the public, just take it with pride. Probably, less incident in the public may make you feel less “abnormal”. Maybe you could carry a folding stick so that you can hide it in your bag until you really need it. This might give you a bit longer feeling-normal-time with peace of mind. Of course, it is only my opinion.
The important thing is that you have a good time while you are out there, than worrying about what others might think. Especially after you put such efforts and planing for the little outing.
Most of all, it would be nice if we all get better and we could do things and go places as we wish without having these feelings and dilemmas in our lives at all. None of us deserve to live/struggle like this even for a short period of time.
Posted in Life, ME/CFS, Thoughts