Each time this illness forces stagnancy upon me I have to sit, feeling polluted, heavy, in pain and lost in a fog - forced to do so without choice. I'm learning slowly that the things we 'have' to do without the luxury of choice are where we really learn. In the mist of this it doesn't always seem so. But reflection is there for me if I am patient.
With lots of confusion and an unwelcome bombardment of unpredictable emotions - one must use the mind to sift through it all from every angle. With the sick body preventing me from running away, perhaps this is a gift of sorts.
When movement becomes my friend again, it does feel like a rebirth, with an abundance of knowledge learned about myself and life! All of this I have stored nicely away in my mind for times ahead. he heee... Take that in the face M.E.... : )
At Christmas I felt really good, with moments of ease and freedom. It was at one of these moments that I decided to write down how this felt so I could use it when I wasn't so well. I wanted to figure out how to go easy on myself when I'm unwell. I can be quite hard on myself.
Here's what I wrote,
When I'm feeling well,
I naturally have a passion and desire to do things.
Like yoga, meditation, walking.
These things are what make me happy.
They have always lit a fire in me.
When I am ill the 'natural' part diminishes,
along with the passion.
However, the ambitious, driven, seed is still there.
This contributes to me beating myself up,
as if I am being lazy.
But I have now become consciously aware of the spirited me.
So when I become tainted again I must remember,
to trust who I am and go easy on myself.
That's all for now folks!
I hope you're all well...
Treya : )
P.S Thanks to all for the kind and supportive comments you left on my last post. xxx