A while ago, my friend told me that everyone has a perfect old boyfriend (girlfriend) story. First, I thought I don’t have any, then I realised I do have one. It was about 12 years ago.
When the laptop I brought from Japan became very slow, I decided to buy a second hand computer.
So I went to the nearest second hand shop and checked out what would be available. A cute guy assisted me and gave me advices and discount offer. Around that time, PC operation system was changing from Windows 3.1 to Windows 95. So I needed to make sure the computer has capacity to run Windows 95 and its applications. Most of them didn’t meet my expectation except for one. I told him that I needed to think about it and would come back later. I knew little about computer hardware. I felt this guy was very confident from what he was telling me. Also I felt this guy would look after me.
When I made up my mind and went back to the shop, he told me he knew I would come back. He looked after me very well and installed the necessary programs and threw in some freebie programs.
When I had problem, he came over to my place and fixed it for free.
The computer was working fine. And I moved to different place.
One day, out of no reason, the computer crashed. Since the warranty had already expired, I worried that it would cost me a lot to have it fixed. I went to the old second hand shop and asked the attendant if they would still help me with the problem. The attendant acted funny. I felt I maybe pushing my luck. I had no idea how much I should pay for the computer repair, and was really hoping that it wouldn’t be too expensive. He said the computer guy wasn’t in that day, but he would have him call me back.
I received the phone call very quick. After he fixed the problem, he told me he wouldn’t charge me anything. But I had to buy him a dinner. I remembered he was a married man, so I offered to bring his wife as well. I couldn’t really afford to pay for the dinner for three, but going out with a married man didn’t feel right. Then he told me they had been amicably separated for quite some time. Then, it felt like I was just asked to go out with him for a date. But it didn’t’ feel right, either, as I was paying for it.
Anyway, he took me to a restaurant that is not too posh, but supposed to be good with seafood. I enjoyed the dinner over conversation about red wine, Mozart and etc. He had cute smile, was very confident and was very happy. While I left the table, he had a chat with waitress, and she told me with a big smile that he was a very lucky man.
He told me a very flattering confession story. He tried to contact me but he didn’t have my number. He and his work mates had to go through old sales record to look for my contact number, but they didn’t have any luck. He rode motor bike very loudly around the neighbourhood in hope I might come out from the house and recognise him… Since I moved, it was impossible for him to find me. His work mates knew he was desperate to find me. So, when I walked into the shop with crashed computer, they got overwhelmed. That was the reason why they acted funny.
He had this adorable smile that only someone who dearly loves me can make. It didn’t take long for me to fell for him.
That dinner was the only time I paid for. And we had plan for the first date. Well, he did.
When he came to pick me up, he made me to change my shoes to trainers. He rode big black Kawasaki motor bike. He came with spare female helmet and leather jacket and gloves for me to use. He took me to the hillside where we could see more than 180 degree ocean view. It was a beautiful and windy day and my nose was running crazy. I was really embarrassed by that. But he told me I was still beautiful. And he said he loved me for who I was.
My life changed for happier. He took me out for dinner often. He took me to a show at Casino. He introduced me to his friends with pride. We talked on the phone for hours every night when we didn’t see each other. When I popped in to say hello to him at the shop, he sneaked me into back office and stole a kiss from me. He affectionately told me that I was the breath of fresh air and I was a beautiful person. He told me I was giving him strength and happiness. And he wanted to marry me as soon as his divorce is finalised. He told me the presents he wanted to give me. We talked about future. It was nice to fell asleep while holding onto someone special. The best thing ever was the way he loved me and made me feel I was loved and important to him. He had plans to have me meet his mother and his children soon. Things moved too fast, and I was scared this happiness may not last… But everything was going more than perfect, and there shouldn’t be anything I would be scared of.
Unfortunately, my fear was becoming real. He had two sick children. One of them requires regular operation to remove her ever growing brain tumour. His children were his world. He never complained about the extra medical expenses. He just dealt with whatever had to be done. Every time his wife told him that the children’s psychiatrist suggested them to get back together, he felt sad and became quiet.
Although his wife was the one who hated him so much that she could not stand him, she became very jealous. She started playing games. One day she begged him to go back to her. Knowing how she treated him like a piece of rubbish, it must cost her lot of pride. He stood firm and told her that could not be the option. She hated him. And he has moved on. That was their mutual agreement. However, it made her even more desperate to get him back. Soon after, she was threatening to commit suicide. This changed everything…
There was the night he had to drive his children two hours to their grandparents’ house. Then he drove back and had talk with his distressed wife. They kept talking another day, and another day.
Then, it was the time that we had to talk. It was really painful. He was confused. He still loved me and cared about me. But he had the responsibilities for his children. And he had the hope that his wife still loved him and he still loved her as well. And he could not sacrifice his children’s happiness for his love to me. I could not do that to the children, either…
It was really hard for him to break up with me. He considered we keep our relationship behind his wife. This idea horrified me. And he said he couldn’t do this to me. He said he could have an affair with someone and have mistress. But he cannot make me the one. I’m too good to be someone’s second best. I deserve the full attention and love, therefore I should move on and meet someone nice and marry him. He loves me for who I am, therefore, he shouldn’t change me. It was too painful to hear. I could not stop him from doing the right thing. That was one of the honourable characters I fell for him. Because we truly love each other, we could not be together. Because he respected quality in me, he could not make me his mistress.
He made it clear to his wife that her weakness caused too much pain to me. After the break up, he checked up on me couple of times and wished me to move on and be happy. I couldn’t think that would be possible. I was traumatised by the sudden break up. And I couldn’t cope being lonely again.
Around the same time, I heard a news that Princess Diana had an horrific accident in France and passed away. About a month later, I heard another news that Mother Teresa passed away. I felt the world was coming to the end.
I didn’t take the break up well. It affected my health greatly. At the end of that semester, I caught high fever and continuing cough. It didn’t go away for weeks and I couldn’t leave bed with severe fatigue. I missed the final exam and wasted the semester. The university messed up with deferred exam schedule, and I was too devastated to try again. My health problem continued and I didn’t do well the following semester, either. It took me about two years to somehow get over with the break up.
It stayed with me as a bitter memory for long after. Then, I had troubled marriage and completely forgot about him.
Recently, I had flash back of his smile and the words “breath of fresh air”. Then, only happy memory about him came back to me. I realised that his love to me was true. He loved me so much that he couldn’t change me to become someone else. For the true love, I appreciate that I’ve met him and had the time together.
If I walk (wheel) into him today, I could smile and catch up with him what’s going on. Then, I can happily say good bye without exchanging contact information. I hope he is still with his wife, but I’m not so sure about it. I didn’t know anything about their marriage except for they were really miserable. Their children would be teenagers now and I hope they are healthy and happy.
Whatever the reason was, he didn’t choose me. For that, I can clearly see now that we were not meant to be together. Things happen for reasons. I was used by the universe to save their marriage or their children’s happiness.
And I really hope that the universe is preparing someone special for me.